Monthly Archives: August 2012

August 28, 2012 · 4:30 pm

Some of you know that the purpose of this blog site is to get people talking with their loved ones about preparations for an end of life situation. After my caregiving experience with someone very dear to me I became keenly aware of the importance of having such a conversation and how much it can help the non-professional caregiver as well as the one being taken care of.

The reality is that almost all of us will enter into a caregiving situation once or multiple times in our life. I recently saw a quote by Rosalyn Carter that says it very well, “There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers”. Caregiving is not something we will be exempted from unless, I suppose, we are living alone in…

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August 26, 2012 · 1:28 pm

The ‘Price’ of CareGiving

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa

As Caregivers we are often put in a position where we have to choose between what’s good for our self and what is good for the person for whom we are caring. If you are a caregiver like me (and I bet you are), you are always putting the needs of your caree first. Placing someones else’s needs in front of your own can be difficult for some people to understand; but not for the caregiver! In our me first society, and in many business circles, decisions like this are frowned on and often not understood.

To be a healthy caregiver, we have to learn how to live life in the solutions of our Caregiving experience; not solely in the problems of our Caregiving experience. By living a life focused on solutions, we live our life with clarity, hope and love. Focusing solely on problems, we live in fear, worry and despair. Focusing on solutions is not only a healthy mindset for caregivers, it is a healthy mindset for everyone.

I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. After almost 10 years of Caregiving, I started to focus more on the problem, not the solutions. By focusing only on the problems, I lost myself and just created more problems in return. Losing yourself complicates Caregiving. While the love for your caree is strong and sealed, you have to love yourself first in order to solidify your inner peace and purpose. Your life can’t be that of your caree!

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The price of Caregiving is not fixed, it is different for everyone. But if you don’t recognize the personal cost in Caregiving, you can lose yourself in the process, and that cost is priceless. What are the signs of losing yourself: weight gain, loss of focus/clarity, financial stress, spiritual uncertainty, your own purpose, professional satisfaction, detachment just to name a few.

For people who care, this is a conundrum. We are always asking ourselves…”Did I do enough; could I have done something different.”

Yet what we might ask ourselves is…

Are we always looking at the problem, and not the solution?

While I do not intend to lose focus on the care of ‘The Little One’, I am starting to refocus on caring for myself. This has been a revelation of sorts because ‘The Little One’ has been asking me (telling, demanding, requesting, you get the picture) to take better care of myself. Yet immersed in this care and unwilling to listen, reality has come full force. How can I be a good caregiver, if I can’t take better care of myself?

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

It’s simple:

Eat Less… Move More

Focus on Solutions…Not Problems

Never quit caring… Especially for yourself

You see…We might have Cancer…

but Cancer does not have us!

Can You Be a Healthy Caregiver? (thepurplejacket.com)
Tell Us: What’s the Worst Caregiving Advice You’ve Received? (caregiving.com)
Why I Support AB 2039 (caregiving.com)
6 Ways to Make Caregiving & Dating Go Together (aarp.org)
NBC Highlights Caregiving Campaign – And My Family! (aarp.org)
New ad campaign portrays caregivers’ call for help (babyboomersandmore.com)

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Tagged as Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Caregiving, Health, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Mother Teresa, Senior Health

August 22, 2012 · 8:41 pm

Conscious Departures

This past week I had lunch with a couple from my neighborhood. I got to know them about a year ago while I was out for a walk and immediately liked their company. They met K only once, on a day I took her out in a wheel chair to get some fresh air and take in the wonderful landscape of our community.

Over lunch the husband, H, told me about a fight he waged, a number of years ago, with a large cancerous tumor in his throat. His tales of having to suffer through chemotherapy and radiation were frightening and heartbreaking. The upside was that it all worked. He actually beat back the cancer and is still living, and I have to say looking quite healthy. At 70 plus years he looks younger than me.

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August 20, 2012 · 3:09 pm

Can You Be a Healthy Caregiver?

YES YOU CAN be a healthy caregiver!

Join our TWITTER #carefit chat tonight at 8 pm ET with

Denise Brown @caregiving

and

Chris MacLellan @thebowtieguy

**Find us on Twitter TONIGHT August 20th 8:00 PM #carefit**

We’ll discuss how to stay healthy as you care.

HOW TO GET FROM

THERE

HERE

TO

and maintain a healthy lifestyle while you care !

Why I Support AB 2039 (caregiving.com)
NBC to Highlight Caregiving – And My Family! (aarp.org)
NBC Highlights Caregiving Campaign – And My Family! (aarp.org)

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Tagged as AARP, advocacy, advocate, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Health, Home care, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, NBC, NBC Nightly News, The Bow-Tie-Guy

August 14, 2012 · 3:49 pm

LGBT Aging through the lens of Gen Silent

It’s never too late to give up our prejudices. – Henry David Thoreau

You might remember an earlier blog post where I talked about a question that was posed to me by a good (straight) friend of mine, his question was simple: ‘What’s different about LGBT Caregiving‘. In that blog post, I wrote “ A very profound question that is easy to answer, yet difficult to explain. “Caregiving in and of itself is the same for every couple, you simply care for the one you love. The difference for the LGBT caregiver is when we have to interact with systems outside of our home that are out of our control.”

As an LGBT caregiver and advocate, my response to that important question pales in comparisons to the magnificent and gut wrenching documentary, “Gen Silent”. The real life stories of love, commitment, discernment, hope, happiness and despair told through the lens of “Gen Silent” are gut wrenching, yet important for all audiences in order to understand the plight of LGBT seniors in America. Producer/Director Stu Maddux does a splendid job in piecing together these LGBT pioneers who helped paved the way for what we know today as Gay Pride.

We should all be indebted to them.

Throughout their life, LGBT seniors have experienced discrimination solely for being ‘different’. LGBT Seniors are one of the most underserved communities in our nation. Today’s LGBT seniors grew up in a time where they were told that homosexuality was not only a mental illness, but also a crime!

Systems can be unfair, yet pioneers like those in this marvelous film are the ones who help foster change. Out of the shadows and into our hearts, this documentary provides viewers with critical examples of why NO senior should be left behind. This issue is not a local issue, it is a universal issue. Somewhere along the line in our discussion about critical issues that face our society, we have lost the ability to look and talk about these issues empathically.

No matter what side of the fence you are on in regards to gay marriage; Equality in not a privilege, it is a basic human right. Through the lens of “Gen Silent” you will see the true meaning of love and why equality and equal rights are so important in our society today because everyone deserves a perfect sunset to their life.

Kudo’s to Stu Maddux and the staff at the LGBT Aging Project for a job well done. Thank You to Ellen Wender of Creative Arts Enterprises and Treece Financial Group for taking the initiative to bring this documentary to South Florida. Thank You to Diane Lade of the Sun-Sentinel for writing such a superb article on “Gen Silent” how nursing homes can push gay seniors back into the closet.

For information on how you can bring “Gen Silent” to your community, click here to visit the films website and ‘like’ them on Facebook, too!

To learn how your agency can develop LGBT-sensitive policies, train staff, create welcoming environments, and receive CEU’s visit SunServe Social Services.

“We might have cancer…but cancer does not have us!”

Documentary ‘Gen Silent’ raises question: Do LGBT seniors need to go back in the closet (miamiherald.typepad.com)
The Silent Generation: Long-term care is a landmine for LGBT seniors (pattidudek.typepad.com)
HRC: Paul Ryan voted against hate-crimes law, end of military ban, letting gay couples marry adopt (miamiherald.typepad.com)
Communities of One? (thepurplejacket.com)

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Tagged as Bow Tie Guy, Gay pride, Gay Seniors, Gen-Silent, LGBT, LGBT Caregivers, LGBT couples, LGBT Health, LGBT Seniors, Purple Jacket, religion

August 3, 2012 · 11:53 am

Obama Administration Participates in 2012 International AIDS Conference

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Good morning,

Last month, the 19th International AIDS Conference came to the U.S. for the first time since 1990 – thanks to bipartisan action by Presidents Obama and George W. Bush and the Congress to lift the ban on people living with HIV entering the United States.

While much work remains to be done, we all look forward to the day when there are no more panels to add to the quilt. Read more about the Obama Administration’s commitment to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic through the National HIV/AIDS Strategy.

Gautam Raghavan
Office of Public Engagement
The White House

Dr. Jill Biden views sections of the AIDS Memorial Quilt with Julie Rhoad, President and CEO of The NAMES Project Foundation, at The National Building Museum in Washington, D.C. July 25, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

Obama Administration Participates in 2012 International AIDS Conference

Throughout the week, senior Obama Administration Officials participated in the Conference, including Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Senior Advisor to the President Valerie Jarrett, and Office of National AIDS Policy Director Grant Colfax. In addition, President Obama recorded a video message to the Conference attendees and the White House hosted a reception to honor people living with HIV and thank the men and women who have been fighting with dignity on the front lines against this disease.

Here at the White House, a section of the AIDS Quilt was displayed in the East Wing so that the hundreds of visitors that walk through the halls of the building each day can stop and remember the human toll that this disease has taken, and how far we’ve come as a country in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

And finally, a group of senior Administration officials – including Senior Advisor Valerie Jarrett and OPM Director John Berry – reflected upon the impact of HIV/AIDS in their own lives.

Watch Live: Third Annual Bullying Prevention Summit

Next week, the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Healthy Students will host the Third Annual Bullying Prevention Summit in Washington, D.C., in conjunction with the departments of Justice, Health and Human Services, Defense, Agriculture, the Interior, the Federal Trade Commission, the White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, and the National Council on Disability.

The summit will focus on ensuring that anti-bullying efforts are coordinated and based on the best available research. Panels will highlight the connection between bullying and suicide, and ways to help students who bully others. Keynote speakers will include U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan and the First Lady of Maryland Katie O’Malley.

Watch the entire event live, from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM EDT on Monday, August 6 and Tuesday, August 7, at http://stopbullying.gov/live.

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