Category Archives: Advocate

April 1, 2013 · 9:59 pm

“He’s My Miracle Patient!”


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“He’s MY Miracle Patient”  Dr. Milica Starcevic April 1, 2013

Today as we visited Richard’s primary care physician for his quarterly check-up. This is no April Fools joke, reality before our eyes, a miracle in the works!  BRS2

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BRS2

After reviewing all the blood work, checking in on recent history with his health, then receiving updates from both of us she just uttered these words:

“He Is My Miracle Patient!”

Given 3 to 4 months to live in October of 2011; In August of this year we will ‘celebrate’ 2 years since the original diagnosis of esophagus  cancer.  Like many families who go through a cancer diagnoses, we were filled with so many diverse emotions.  Now two years past, we are thankful for each and every day we spend together.  Sure some days are better than others, and the esophagus does ‘act-up’ from time to time; the tumor does have a mind of its own!

Being a family caregiver comes with quite a bit of sacrifice and courage, and just like ‘The Little One”, I have my good days and I have my bad days.  Sleepless nights, worrying about things that I cannot control and wondering what’s going to happen next.  It’s all part of the role of being a family caregiver. 

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Yet on a day like today, being a family caregiver is put into perspective  when Dr. Starcevic turned to me and said “thank you  for being a Caregiver.”  Those long nights, followed by those uncertain  days were a thing of the past by those simple words uttered by Dr. Starcevic!  Of course, a big smile from ‘The Little One Helped, too!

You see…We Might Have Cancer,

But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

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March 25, 2013 · 8:30 am

Be A Healthy Caregiver on Blog Talk Radio


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On Tuesday March 26th at 1:00 pm (est) we welcome Dr. John J. Garnand,  author of ‘Cancer Caregiver Roles: What You Need to Know’ to our show.  You can listen to our show by clicking here.

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Dr. John J Garnand

 

John is a lifetime educator, award-winning instructor in the general areas of business strategy, management operations and ethics.   Yet I am sure John will tell you that his most important role he has had in his life, is that of a Caregiver!

His book, ’Cancer Caregiver Roles: What You Need to CCRcoverKnow’ is John’s effort to pull together all the information that he learned over nine years of attending to his cancer patient loved one.  John’s book is well worth reading!

Through our conversation today, John will help us all learn how to ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ 

You can listen to our show live at 1:00 pm (est) by clicking here.

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Cannot listen live, NO WORRIES, all our shows are archived so you can listen at a time that is convenient for you by clicking here

Purchase John’s book by simply clicking  here

Visit John’s blog by simply clicking  here

Visit John’s Facebook page by simply clicking here

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March 6, 2013 · 4:51 pm

Caregiving and Those Silly Hats


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I will be the first to admit that I have hit a dry spell recently in my writing.  When chatting with other bloggers about this, I have learned that hitting a dry spell, or ‘The Wall’ as it has been described to me, is not uncommon.  When you are a working family caregiver, there is often this tug of war between what you want to do,  versus what you have time to do, coupled with the fact of what you have to do.   No matter what role you might have in life, finding that  balancing act is always a challenge.

A great example of finding that balancing act in life happened this past weekend at a fundraising event for work.   While I always like to include ‘The Little One’ in on as many events that he feels up to attend, this past weekend I was quite surprised when we both went ‘all in’ at SunServe’s Garden and Hat party.  Creating crazy looking bonnets is not something that we do on a regular basis, yet we had a great time together shopping, creating and wearing ‘those’  hats on Sunday.

The Mad HattersWhile we did not win the crazy hat contest,  the weekend event reminded me that bonding over something that is fun is essential  for both of us.  If you’re a caregiver like me, I am sure you get caught up in the daily routine of making sure everything is prefect for your caree.

The past few months, ‘The Little One’ has been blessed with more good days than bad,  for which we are both grateful. Yet to  ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ it is essential to find those times when we can take our mind off of things that we cannot control (cancer), and have fun with something that we can control (crazy hats).  Letting go of control can be hard, yet in those bonding moments, there is a sense of freedom that for a moment, helps take all our worries away.  Come to think about it…having one less worry  in our day, helps us us find that elusive balance in our lives that we so constantly strive to achieve.

  We Might Have Cancer…

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…But Cancer Does Not Have US!

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February 11, 2013 · 9:15 am

‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio


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On Tuesday February 12th  at 1:00 pm,  we welcome  Dr. Loren Olson  author of ‘Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist’s Own Story’  to our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ show on Blog Talk Radio .

Loren Olson 2-200x300 Loren Olsonjpg Dr. Olson will be talking about his book ‘Finally Out: Letting Go of The Straight Life, A Psychiatrist’s Own Story’ , along with his upcoming appearances in Florida as well as his unexpected Caregiving experience.

Average … he’s not. Not only did Dr. Olson complete medical school, serve four years as a flight surgeon in the U.S. Navy, and embark upon a successful career as a psychiatrist; he also had a compatible eighteen year marriage and raised two daughters with his attorney wife, Lynn, before facing up to a difficult truth about himself: he is gay.

Through Dr. Olson’s expertise, we will all learn how to ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ 

To visit Dr. Olson website and to purchase his book, simply click here.

 Our show is available live at 1:00 pm with optional chat room for you to ask questions to our guest. (Our show is archived so you can listen at your  convenience.) To access our show, simply click  here.

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 To access all our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ episodes on

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February 4, 2013 · 9:15 am

‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ On Blog Talk Radio


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 On Tuesday February 5th  at 1:00 pm,  we welcome author, Dr. Diana Denholm of  ‘The Caregiving  Wife’s Handbook’ to our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ show on Blog Talk Radio .

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Dr. Diana Denholm

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Drawing from her own Caregiving experience and those of six real life Caregiving wives interviewed for her book, Dr. Denholm offers her readers creative ideas, inspiration and lots of practical tools women can use to deal with the most common issues faced when husbands suffer from a protracted illness.

Through her work and experience, Dr. Denholm is going to show us how we all can ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver!’ 

 Our show is available live or archived online for your convenience, by clicking here.

 

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To access all our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ episodes on

blogtalkradiologo Simply click here

 

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February 3, 2013 · 7:48 pm

VRide For Caregivers Health: Update Week 3


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3rd VRide Weigh Inn

We are now moving into week three of our VRide to promote Caregivers Health.  This week I logged just over 40 miles on the Stationary Bike and 10 miles on foot.  While I did not expect to lose as much weight as I did in week 2, I am down 1 lbs from last week.  I thing that is an accomplishment considering we went to a Mardi Gras Party on Saturday Night.  I will admit that I cheated just a bit at the party.  But, hey…you can’t diet all the time!

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Happy Mardi Gras Everyone…

Check out all our #VRide participants at Caregiving.com 

Continue to follow my progress here at ‘The Purple Jacket.”

We Might Have Cancer…

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…But Cancer Does Not Have US!

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January 30, 2013 · 4:51 pm

A Live Person On The Phone…YES!


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On Tuesday’s ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ show my guests were Tom and Lynn Wilson from The Caregiver Partnership. . Their mission is to help individuals remain in their home as long as possible by providing products, services and helpful information to family caregivers and their loved ones, nationally. To listen to our broadcast, simply click here

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The Caregiver Partnership is a direct to consumer retailer of a wide range of home health care supplies and services from incontinence products to skin care, daily living aids and mobility. Their mission is to help individuals remain in their home as long as possible by providing products, services and helpful information to family caregivers and their loved ones, nationally.

However, Tom and Lynn just don’t sell products, they are true to their company’s name as they are in partnership with their clients as demonstrated by the fact that all calls to The Caregiver Partnership are answered by a live person!   And to take that one step further, the live person on the other end of the line has been a caregiver, too.   You can be rest assured that the staff at The Caregiver Partnership is going to be talking to you from the perspective of a caregiver; I can’t think of a more comforting or soothing environment for a caregiver.

But… Don’t just take my word, visit The Caregiver Partnership yourself at:

a      Store – www.caregiverpartnership.com

b      Blog – blog.caregiverpartnership.com

c      Caregiver Resources Library –www.caregiverpartnership.com/resources/categories/

Have a question for their staff, it is a toll-free call 1-600-985-1353.  Tell them…’The Bow Tie Guy’ sent you!

Join us every Tuesday at 1:00pm on Blog Talk Radio for ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’: Next week’s guest we welcome author,  Author Diana Denholm, Ph.D., The Caregiving Wife.

Our show is available live or archived online for your convenience, by clicking here.

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To access all our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ episodes on

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January 26, 2013 · 10:02 pm

End Of Life Wishes: Sometimes You Just Have To Ask.


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The Purple Jackety Highly recommends Caregiving.com

The Purple Jacket Highly recommends Caregiving.com

On Saturday,  Richard and I were guest on ‘Your Caregiving Journey’ hosted by Denise Brown from Caregiving.com You can listen to the show by simply clicking here. 

Our conversation today came out of a discussion that Denise and I had a couple of weeks ago about a decision I made to withhold information from Richard after he completed his radiation and chemotherapy treatments where the oncologist estimated that he had 3 to 4 months to live.    We also talked about a variety of other  end of life topics that are often difficult to discuss, yet important to get out in the open.

Having a discussion with your partner or caree on such a sensitive topic can be difficult, but so essential in order to Be A Healthy Caregiver. 

During our discussion, Richard spoke about his desires when his pain becomes too great, 20111225-083619.jpgdescribed what a good day feels like and shared what he whats from me as his partner and caregiver on a daily basis. Sometimes it is a simple as…’When something is wrong with me, you will be the first to know, until then, just let me be!

Denise and I talked about the challenge of letting go of my own beliefs and emotions when it comes to Richard’s  wishes.  As I mentioned on the show, Richard and I come for different faith traditions which has  different perspectives and philosophies when it comes to end of life hands touchgindecisions. However as his partner and his caregiver, it is essential for me to put aside my own personal beliefs so that I can honor what Richard wants.

As Caregivers and life partners, we often forget that we are not the ones who are sick.  While we share in our care and concern for each other, when it comes to these critical issues, it is important to follow the wishes of the one who is ill.

End of life discussions are never easy to have.  Richard and I have both buried our partners and while we both have previous experience in this subject, it does not make it any easier. We just know that we have to have this discussion.

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Herman & Richard 1990′s

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Richard & Chris late 1980′s

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Richard & Chris 2012

Find a way to have that end-of-life discussion…

Below are some great example of how to start this conversation along with some great questions to to get the conversation going provided by Denise Brown at Caregiving.com

“If you feel uncomfortable, simply say, “I’m uncomfortable with what I’m about to ask, but I’ve been giving some thought to your last months. I want to make sure I understand what you what and need. Would you be up to having a discussion?” And then go from there. The discussion is a process which means you might continue the conversation over several days and weeks and month. And, as your caree’s health changes, you’ll want to revisit the discussion to ensure your caree’s wishes haven’t changed.”

These questions can help during your discussion:

1. How do you want to spend your last months and weeks and days?

2. What do you want from me during your last months?

3. What’s a good day like for you? (This is a good question to ask regularly as the definition of a “good day” will change.)

4. Do you have any unfinished business you’d like to finish?

5. How do you feel about dying? What do you think happens after we die?

If you haven’t visited Denise Brown at Caregiving.com now is the time to do so.  Richard and I consider Denise and all the members of Caregiving.com as our extended family.   Denise is a true leader in the Caregiving community.

Remember…We Might Have Cancer…

img_19122012_204936But Cancer Does Not Have US!

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January 24, 2013 · 3:05 pm

82: Who Would Have Known?


Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.  Aristotle 

026Today, ‘The Little One’ turns 82! It is a feat to recognize considering we are now 16 months past the oncologist‘s original  estimation of 3-4 months to live after the completion of his radiation and chemotherapy treatments in October of 2011.      We all know that Cancer is an insidious disease, unpredictable and unkind to many.  While we feel blessed to have the extended time together,  we are cognizant of all  cancer victims and their families today.

We learned from our oncologist prediction in October of 2111 that there is really no one who can tell us how this ordeal was going to play out.  There are no timetables in life:  what is here today, is gone tomorrow.  Knowing full well that I am not the one with cancer, I had to learn my supporting role as the caregiver as time played out.  Remembering ‘TLO’ determination and commitment to ‘fight this as best I can’ still rings in my ears from October 2011.  His determination is still prevalent today!

I have never liked phrase ‘terminal illness‘ …some people view life as a terminal illness.  Yikes, how sad that is!   TheWorry TLO and I have both buried our previous partners, in one sense that is what drew us together.  Our previous Caregiving experiences give us the foresight to know that…we really don’t know what is going to happen.  The best we can do is be present in the day.  That is why is it our hope that lets us withstand problems, and it is our dreams that lets us find solutions.  

We celebrate birthdays as milestones, and today is a special milestone for ‘TLO’.  Happy Birthday to my best friend, pal and partner.   May your hills always have a gentle wind at your back.

We Might Have Cancer…

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…But Cancer Does Not Have US!

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January 21, 2013 · 7:15 pm

Eat Less: Move More


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One of the main components to losing weight is a simple theme that I like to follow…Eat Less:Move More!  There are quite a bit of diets out there for us to follow, believe me, I’ve tried a lot of them.  But all diets come back to one thing…Eat Less: Move More!   Another trick I learned years ago was to use smaller plates.  This morning I made a two egg omelet with spinach and used a small plate which made my portions look enormous.

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Sometimes weight loss and exercise is just an exercise in changing one’s mindset.  Just like changing the size of my breakfast plate gave me the illusion that I was eating more, when I was actually eating less.

Deep down inside, I think we all know what we need to do in order to take the weight off.  Lots of times it just comes down to changing our mindset and being around people who are supportive.

That is why our #VRide is so good for so many people.  We can work at our own pace and receive all the encouragement that each one of us needs in order to feel comfortable and…affirmed!

Today I walked 3 miles and rode the stationary bike for 15 miles…It feels good to take care of myself!

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  If you would like to learn more about our VRide visit my You Tube Video by clicking here.

To sign up for VRide visit my friends at Caregiving.com 

Remember…We Might Have Cancer…

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But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

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