Category Archives: Older man

‘I Do Not Need Any Help…I Have A StepLadder!’


Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. Buddha

As Caregivers, more often than not, we pay better attention to the health and well-being of our caree rather than to ourselves; It just goes with the territory. Just the other day, I found ‘The Little One’ pulling out the stepladder to use to reach the upper cabinets (after all he is 5’5”) in our kitchen. Being the over protective caregiver that I am, I immediately balked at his use of the ladder. “What are you doing,” I said! “What does it look like I am doing, putting away the groceries.” He responded. “Not with that ladder you’re not.” The conversation deteriorated from there…

Safety is a big concern for all of us. One harmless fall can put an entire series of health concerns into play. Yet there is a delicate balance between independence and common sense.

Dr. Starcevic with ‘The Little One’

On Friday, ‘The Little One’ had his quarterly check up with his primary care physician, Dr. Starcevic. Dr. Starcevic continues to be amazed at ‘The Little One’s’ progress and stated…”We should review the pathology report because this is truly amazing!” I was gratified when she spoke about how important I was in the progress that he has made over the past year. Of course, he agreed with her 100%. This conversation really helped boost my ego and confidence.

‘The Little One’ highly respects Dr. Starcevic, and I do too. When ‘The Little One’ was in the middle of his chemo and radiation treatments last year, she was the one who determined that he needed to be in the hospital. Not only did she have him admitted, she put him in a wheel chair and took him to the hospital herself! We will never forget that act of kindness on her part.

The Famous Stepladder

During the conversation with Dr. Starcevic, ‘The Little One’ mentioned that he is “extra careful when he walks because he does not want to fall down and break a hip.” As I listened attentively to his words, I could not resist jumping in. “Why don’t you tell Dr. Starcevic how you like to get on stepladders, “ I said! They both turned to me (with different expressions on their face of course) at the same time: then the real conversation ensued about ‘The Little One’s’ safety. The conversation was lively and to the point; it is harder for ‘The Little One’ to dispute Dr. Starcevic than it is me!

Every caregiver wants to ensure that their caree is 100% safe. While I know I cannot be at home 24/7, I also know that I cannot control what ‘The Little One’ does when I am not home. (Like I can really control him when I am at home!) I can hear ‘The Little One’ saying, ‘I can put those cans on that top shelf, I’ve been doing it this way my entire life;’ I get that response and respect it too.

Even as we age, each one of us has that indestructible opinion of ourselves. We do not want to lose our independence, but we also do not want to lose our independence through a fall that is preventable. Sometimes we just need a different messenger, and sometimes we have to realize that our message needs to be tapered. In this case, we learned the meaning of both. Thank goodness for the wonderful work of Dr. Starcevic!

You see…We might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!

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Gen-Silent in Fort Lauderdale


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LGBT Seniors, Invisible No More


LGBT Seniors, Invisible No More

Discrimination and legal inequalities take toll on health and health care

05.25.2012By Barbara Moran
LGBT Senior Citizens, social policy, social work, Robert B Hudson, Boston University School of Social WorkRobert B. Hudson says that some members of the health care community “have treated LGBT people with condescension, and that in turn has often led people to put off preventive services.” Photo courtesy of the Boston University School of Social Work

In 2009, according to the U.S. Administration on Aging, about one in eight Americans was over age 65. That adds up to 39.6 million people, or almost 13 percent of the U.S population. By 2030, there will be about 72.1 million in that age group, or about 19 percent of the population.

While many studies have been done on America’s aging population, little research has focused on a group facing special issues as they age: the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Today’s LGBT elders have lived through decades of discrimination, which, it turns out, has huge repercussions as they age. Yet LGBT seniors have been largely ignored in policy on aging.

To help address this oversight, Robert B. Hudson, a School of Social Work professor of social policy and managing editor of the journal Public Policy and Aging Report, devoted an issue to the topic of LGBT seniors, with articles written by a range of researchers, service providers, and advocates involved with LGBT policy concerns. According to Hudson, the issue received more positive feedback “than just about anything else we’ve done.” In his introduction, he writes, “These individuals have remained nearly invisible to the community of advocates, researchers, practitioners, administrators, and politicians who associate themselves with the modern aging enterprise.”

BU Today recently spoke with Hudson about the insights gained from the project and what steps need to be taken to help aging members of the LGBT community.

Public Policy & Aging Report, Integrating Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Older Adults into Aging Policy and Practice

BU Today: Why did you focus an issue of Public Policy and Aging Report on the LGBT community?

Hudson: One thing we’re always trying to do is highlight under recognized issues, and this is one that really has to be near the top of the list. There is simply not much of a literature devoted to older LGBT people. There is a whole world of aging research and aging agencies that provide a range of benefits to older people, and there is a separate series of agencies and research that address the LGBT population. But they often don’t come together.

Why do you think that is?

Well, as a political scientist, I see it centrally rooted in bureaucratic behavior. The aging agencies are organized around classic aging-related issues like nutrition, social services, and legal services. The LGBT community has never had the same level of attention.

So what’s been the result of that gap?

Massive under service. When you look at the literature, LGBT access to health care is suboptimal. And that’s for two reasons: one is that some members of the health care community have treated LGBT people with condescension, and that in turn has often led people to put off preventive services. More broadly, LGBT individuals are often denied protections such as survivorship, visitation rights, and living wills, because the legal system does not recognize their living arrangements.

What health issues other than access to health care are specific to LGBT seniors? The Report notes higher levels of smoking, drinking, and rates of depression.

The mental health issues are the ones that stand out, and I think it’s something that the larger population does not appreciate. The stressors around discrimination in those communities have been so high for so long that substance abuse issues are much more widespread than the larger public thinks. People ought to know that discrimination has consequences.

The other issue to be mentioned is HIV-AIDS. And again, something that is underrecognized is that people who are HIV-positive are getting older, thanks to drugs that are turning HIV-AIDS into a chronic illness rather than a death sentence. But it is also true that people are contracting AIDS over age 55 at somewhat higher rates than before.

That’s the group you’d think has been the most indoctrinated about safe sex practices.

Indoctrinated, yes, but on the other hand, I think it’s something about aging. I think some people may say, “We’re old, we probably can’t get it.” But in fact, as you get older, the body becomes more fragile, and it may make transmission more likely.

Is there also a lack of safe-sex education, most of which seems targeted at young people, for older adults?

I think that has been the case. A lot of the public health initiatives within the LGBT community are aimed implicitly—if not explicitly—at younger people. The classic imagery we’ve had of older people in general is relevant here; they’re frail and alone or cut off in nursing homes, so they tend to get forgotten and excluded from all sorts of helpful interventions. And then members of the aging community, either through lack of interest—or in some cases, discrimination—may not want to engage with the older gay population. And so older LGBT folks really do fall between the cracks.

LGBT seniors lived through decades of discrimination, with homosexuality a crime or deemed a mental illness. The Report says 82 percent have been victimized at least once. With homosexuality so much more accepted now, it’s hard to realize what they went through.

Well, for somebody my age it’s not hard to remember. I mean, you could get in all sorts of serious trouble by identifying as gay or being seen as gay—bullying, violence, employment discrimination, health care, the whole gamut. I think most people now don’t recognize how tough it was for LGBT people to grow up in the world they did. And if you listen to today’s political debate, there are candidates out there who are inferring things about certain populations—including this one—that are pretty nasty.

What are the major impacts on seniors of coming of age with that level of hostility?

Certainly there are impacts in mental health issues, but also in economic issues. If you were discriminated against at age 20, 30, and 40, trying to get a decent job, trying to get promoted, trying not to get fired, hoping to be invited to the company family picnic, needing to go out on the golf course with the guys where the deals are being made, and they shun you because they suspect you’re not one of them—there are huge career ramifications.

So it really is a lifelong thing. In aging we talk about “cumulative advantage” and “cumulative disadvantage.” If you went to Andover and Harvard when you were younger, you have a better train ride than somebody who didn’t. And in this case, to have been knocked off career and health care and other rails early on by reason of discrimination, a trajectory that might have gone quite high will instead be flat. And in some ways it gets worse in old age. The passage of time amplifies the discriminations you’ve encountered over the course of 30 to 40 years.

The Report says LGBT seniors are twice as likely to live alone as heterosexual seniors, and four times more likely to have no children. How does this affect their support network?

It’s a huge issue. In the case of chronic illness, something like 80 percent of all care is provided by so-called informal supports—mainly family, notably wives, daughters, and daughters-in-law. This is a population that has much lower marriage rates and somewhat higher levels of disaffection from their biological families due to their orientation. There are fewer children, fewer spouses, and the extended family of aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews may also be thinner. That is compensated for in part by friends, but the lack of family-based informal supports is a concern in this community.

The LGBT community seems to have exceptionally strong social networks, for just those reasons. But in this regard that doesn’t seem to compensate enough. Do you think this will change for the next generation of seniors?

I think over time, with greater acceptance of these communities, yes it will get better. But it’s going to be a long process. It’s interesting the extent to which same-sex marriage has taken hold in many parts of the country, which certainly wasn’t the case 20 years ago. But it’s going to be a very long process.

With gay marriage gaining acceptance and many more gay couples having or adopting children, is it likely their support networks will be strengthened?

I think that’s right, but I think it will vary a lot geographically. There are still a number of states where gays and lesbians cannot adopt children.

Do you think we’ll see gay- and lesbian-specific nursing homes at some point?

Interesting question. There are retirement communities—I don’t know their legal status—that certainly have attracted LGBT people. There are at least two or three dozen retirement areas in various parts of the country that are known to be attractive to members of the LGBT community. It wouldn’t be possible in most nursing homes because it would violate Medicaid reimbursement laws.

So what should be the top priority for the LGBT senior agenda? What should researchers and policymakers be thinking about to best serve this group?

On the policy level, I always think first of Social Security benefits. If you don’t have legally recognized dependents, you can’t get a dependent benefit. If you die and you had a partner, but you were not legally married—and to the federal government you can’t be legally married if you’re gay or lesbian—then there’s no survivor benefit.

In the health care world, prohibitions tied to visitation and to proxies and living wills are big things that have to be overcome.

But I think the biggest issue is in some ways the hardest issue to tackle, and that is acculturation and acceptance: being fully accepted as part of the range of American citizenry. LGBT elders may not be exactly like you, but there are lots of people who aren’t exactly like you, so let’s get over it, old and young alike.

View a copy of the Public Policy & Aging Report issue “Integrating Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Older Adults into Aging Policy and Practice” here.

Barbara Moran (COM’96) is a science writer in Brookline, Mass. She can be reached through her website. Permission to post this article on ‘The Purple Jacket’ was granted by Barbara Moran.

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The Bow-Tie-Guy Tip of the Day:


Life is meant to be lived in forward, not in reverse.

Photo Credit ‘Free Digital Photo’s’

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In These Shoes Part III


The ‘new shoes are feeling just fine…so much so, the ‘Imelda Marcos’ of South Florida has decided to come out…rather…clean out his closet!

Photo credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’

One thing the real Imelda never did; was something that made me proud of ‘The Little One’

Photo Credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’

When you give up something, it always comes back two-fold!

You see…We might have cancer, but cancer does not have us! 

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SunServe and The Purple Jacket: A Perfect Match


I am pleased to announce that ‘The Purple Jacket’ and ‘The Bow-Tie-Guy’ have joined the staff at SunServe Social Services in Fort Lauderdale, Florida  as the coordinator of Senior Services.     SunServe Social Services is the home of the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center .  Opening in 2004,  the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center   has been on the frontier for serving the needs of the LGBT senior community in South Florida.

The Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center has always had a special place in my heart as my close friend, Father Richard Orlando, was one of the first participants of the center when it first opened in 2004.     During his time at  Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center, Father Orlando excelled in all facets of his life.  The staff and participants at the center were a major part in providing Father Orlando with a beautiful “SunSet” to his life!

Having been away from Fort Lauderdale for four years and upon returning to Fort Lauderdale in March 2012, I was shocked, surprised and impressed to see the growth of  SunServe Social Services in such a short period of time.   SunServe  has grown into a comprehensive social service agency, offering a number of professional services to the LGBT Community in Fort Lauderdale including:

SunServe Social Services provides high quality, compassionate, and progressive care for all, including those in financial need, minorities, youth, seniors, families, and those with life-challenging physical or emotional conditions.  The growth of SunServe Social Services is a truly remarkable and is a testament to the entire staff.
 
Forging ahead with this collaboration is a  perfect fit for ‘The Purple Jacket’ and ‘The Bow-Tie-Guy’ as we continue to talk about the real-life issues and needs  of LGBT Aging, Health and Caregiving
SunServe Social Services is rolling out a telephone tree to call our LGBTQ neighbors in Broward County who may be homebound or would like to touch base with someone every day.  If you are in South Florida, I urge you to become active in this program.

You:  Would have to make a commitment to call your client once a day – at a specific time you both find convenient – to check on them, give them an update and share some news.

 You:  Would make a commitment to serve for 6 months at a time.

Yes, you can take a vacation but you will have to let your phone team leader know so another volunteer can cover your client.

Yes, you can go back north for the summer; you might decide to continue your calls from “Up North” or we can ask another volunteer to call for you.

Yes, we can utilize your services for the months that you are here.

Yes, there is a three-hour training that you need to attend on Saturday, May 19th from 10 – 1 PM at SunServe.

Yes, you can have more than one client.

Yes, you will have to keep a brief daily log and report to your telephone team captain once a month on how you are doing, how your client is doing and if any special situations have arisen.

Yes, you can refer friends into the program so they may receive calls.

If you are in Broward County and interested in participating , please call Andrew Forester at 954-764-5150 for a quick phone interview and to sign up for the training on Saturday, May 19 here at the SunServe Office.

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‘In These Shoes Part II’


Photo credit: Wikipedia

Today we picked up “The Little One’s”  new shoes today  Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics.    Unfortunately, the first choice of shoes ‘The Little One’ selected, somehow was not available in a therapeutic model!  These Stilettos would make Bette Midler proud as she would be singing…”In These Shoes” once she laid eyes on these shoes!   

Photo credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’

As we arrived in the office of  Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics we were greeted by Shelley who assisted us last week with the fitting.  Shelley is great to work with, she pulls no punches, knows what she is talking about and has a care for all her clients.  It was a pleasure to work with her.

Within moments of sitting in the waiting room, the new shoes arrived and the Imelda Marcos of South Florida was back in his element.  Mindful of what Shelley mentioned last week that “these shoes” would feel a little ‘loose’ at first, ‘The Little One’ was quick to comment about just that!  ”When I get a blister on the back of my foot from ‘These Shoes’ being loose, I will be back next week to show you!”   Of course, my laughing at this statement was is not the polite thing to do!

Shelley handled the comment with grace; by the time we were ready to leave, the Imelda Marcos of  South Florida had already had is eye out on another pair of shoes.  Should I have really have been surprised?   

The good folks at  Hanger really treated us well today.  There was a complete mix up with the co-pay, they admitted their error and allowed us to send in payment as we were under the impression that there was no funds due upon pick up of ‘These Shoes.’  Customer Service goes a long way in leaving a lasting impression on consumers.  I knew from my previous experience with Hanger that they were a model company whose mission is to help people lead a better life.   They proved it again today!  It goes without saying that when you are in the people business, you need to be about the people!  Hanger proved that again today.  And with that,  had one happy customer leaving their office today!

‘The Purple Jacket’

You see…we might have cancer, but cancer does not have us! 

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‘IN THESE SHOES?’


If you are a fan of Bette Midler you are probably aware of one of her (many) popular songs, one in particular is a favorite of mine…‘In These Shoes’. The lyrics are wonderful, funny and maybe a tad over the top for some. This favorite song of mine popped up yesterday while ‘The Little One’ was being fitted for diabetic shoes at Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics. (You might be familiar with the movie Dolphin Tail, the good folks at Hanger worked on this project, their work is quite moving as is this movie) They are a great company!

Having  experience in this procedure with Fr. Orlando a number of years ago, I have been gently bugging ‘The Little One’ to obtain a referral from his PCP for a pair of these diabetic and therapeutic shoes. Finally, our day for our custom fitting was Wednesday!

You might ask…’Why these shoes? It’s no secret that diabetics have an increased risk of developing foot problems. These custom-made therapeutic shoes offer support, relieve stress and strain on the foot and back while providing a better ‘walk’.  Watching “The Little One” walk over the past few months, I have grown concern with his balance and his foot ware. Asking him to change shoes, well…uh…hmm…change can be difficult, even with shoes.  (While the closet is full of shoes, some of them should really stay in the closet!)   Having these custom fitted shoes will only enhance his walking, while aiding him with better balance. Better balance means less chance of a fall.  I think you get the picture…

photo credit: Chris MacLellan

When the attendant noticed the shoes ‘The Little One’ was wearing…she said out loud…’You’re walking IN THESE SHOES’.  ———————————————————>

It was a jolt to the ‘Imelda Marcos‘ of South Florida; I mean these shoes are at least 20 years old!  Twenty years ago, ‘The Little One’ was stronger and could manage shoes like this which offered little or no support…but ohhhhh…forget safety, they do look marvelous!

Since we’ve been back in Florida, ‘The Little One’ has surprised me from time to time with ‘treasures’ like these shoes, which he has had in his possession for a long period of time.  Many of these ‘surprises’ have a story to them, or are connected to his partner Herman of 43 years.    It’s hard to just walk away from these treasures…. no matter how mundane I might think they might be.

 As the conversation with orthopedic professional continued, it was easier for ‘The Little One’ to hear and accept what he needed in foot wear for his own safety from a professional.  Always mindful of his safety and what is best for him, I also have to be careful not to over step my boundaries and ‘demand’ that he do something that he may not want to do.    You know the phrase…’you pick your battles.’ I knew that this  was one battle that would be won by the professional. (When it comes to personal safety, sometimes you do have to take a stand.)

As a caregiver, it is important for me to know as many resources as possible, yet we can’t know them all.  Having previous experience to build on, I was able to tell ‘The Little One’ that diabetic/therapeutic shoes are the only foot-ware covered by medicare   (You will need a referral from your PCP)  That opened the door for the referral and hence, he will have new shoes next week.  (To show his need, the orthopedic professional moved up his second appointment to next week because of his critical need for these shoes!)

The lesson of this story for me has to do more with how we see things that are important to us.  Shoes, trinkets, all of the collectibles, have a particular meaning to them.  We all have something in our possession that we can identify that has meaning to it.    We get attached to items for different reasons that are very personal, yet until you are IN THESE SHOES, who is it for us to tell someone to give up something that has meaning to it?

 One of the lyrics in Bette’s song is…”In these shoes? Oh, I doubt you’d survive.”  Bette is so right…In these shoes,  I doubt “The Little One” would he would have survived.  We can all survive and prosper when we are mindful of each other needs, react accordingly to those needs and care for those who cannot care for themselves.

When we care like that…we  can care in ‘ANY SHOES’

You see…we might have cancer; but cancer does not have us! 

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A Word from The Little One


Tonight at dinner we were chatting about our blog as I have been asked to write an article for a national publication on Care-Givers and Care-Giving in April (more to come on that exciting news).  The Little One wanted me to share these words with you this evening…

“Thank you for reading ‘The Purple Jacket” I hope that in reading Chris’ account of my fight with esophagus cancer  that you don’t give up hope, share in the joy and comfort that you can reap from this wonderful thing, a dedicated caregiver. My siblings have pass on; not only is he my caregiver, he is my partner I would be all alone with out his dedication and love.  Even though cancer has struck me, for the second time, I find joy and compassion being with my partner and caregiver.  Go through life with a strong will, even at those darkest times, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.   Bernard Richard Schiffer 2.5.2012.

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‘The Extreme Patient’


While ‘The Little One’ continues to show marked improvement while recovering from the trauma of chemotherapy and radiation, we move on to another calamity called sciatica. Anyone who has had back pain knows how debilitating it can be, yet to alleviate the pain we must be open to new modes of treatment.

On Wednesday we motored to InMotion Health and Wellness for a visit with Dr. Greg Neff to see if Chiropractic help was in order for his current ailment.  The ‘Extreme Patient’ as we see in this photo opportunity for his building fan club,  (yes KJ, the only thing missing is the Tiara!) decided to ride the wave and try out this new treatment.   Of course there was the debate…”This is not going to work”…’Why are we wasting our time”… etc, etc, etc.  While I try not to roll my eyes (at least noticeably  to others), we just continue on with our friendly banter because that is the way we communicate.

Communication is a funny thing; just like relationships.  It’s funny how the two go hand in hand.  Relationships are built on strong communication and trust.    Yet in communicating his apprehension to Chiropractic care, I knew that this was simply a way for him to let off some frustration.    Sometimes, you just have to let go!

As caregivers, we have to be mindful that while we are there in a supporting role, it’s not our body that  is going through the treatments.   How much can the mind and body take in such a short period of time?  I think that really depends on the person and their ability to communicate their wants, needs and desires.  And in the supporting role, the caregiver has to be mindful that what you might want for your loved one, may not be what they want; what a slippery slope!

It is through honest communication,  built on trust and love that truly reveals the essence of a relationship.  We’re glad that we have (and share) this trust and love as we continue on this journey to better health and happiness.

 

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