Tag Archives: LGBT

Tuesday on ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’: LGBT Housing


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On Tuesday, May 14th at 1:00 pm (est) we welcome Hilary Meyer, Director of the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging and Tom Duffy from Secret Gardens to our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ show on Blog Talk Radio  You can access the show live by simply clicking here

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While trends in our society are shifting in a positive direction for equality, LGBT Seniors are still struggling with issues relating to affordable housing and how to safely aging in place.  As the Director of the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging, Hilary Meyer has a keen understanding of these issues facing LGBT Seniors.  And Tom Duffy from Secret Gardens, has just opened an LGBT focused independent living center in Wilton Manors, Florida  were LGBT seniors can feel safe in their surroundings.

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Through our conversation today on issues facing LGBT Seniors, Hiliary and Tom will help us all learn how to  ’Be A Healthy Caregiver!’

To listen live, simply click here! 

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Can’t listen to our show live…NO Worries!!!  All our episodes of ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver are archived for your listening convenience by clicking here! 

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Filed under Be A Healthy Caregiver, Gay Seniors, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Couples, LGBT Seniors, Senior Housing, The Bow Tie Guy

LGBT Aging Through the Lens of Gen Silent on ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio


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On Tuesday, March 19th at 1:00 pm (est) we are thrilled to welcome Stu Maddux, Director & Producer of the critically acclaimed film, Gen Silent to our Be A Healthy Caregiver’ show on Blog Talk Radio.

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Stu Maddux receiving an award

The real life stories of love, commitment, discernment, hope, happiness and despair told through the lens of “Gen Silent are gut wrenching, yet important for all audiences in order to understand the plight of LGBT seniors in America. Producer/Director Stu Maddux does a splendid job in piecing together these LGBT pioneers who helped paved the way for what we know today as Gay Pride.

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As the Huffington Post said: ”The film is heartbreaking, personal and the issues are real.”

Our conversation with Stu will not only focus on the film itself, but how Gen Silent has brought awareness to LGBT Aging issues in today’s society.   Through our conversation, Stu will help us all learn how to ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver.’  

To listen to our show live on Tuesday at 1:00 pm (est), simply click here.

Cannot listen live on Tuesday, NO WORRIES! Each one of our shows is archived for your listening convenience by clicking here.

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It is an honor to have ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ selected as a ‘Featured Show’ by the folks at Blog Talk Radio for Tuesday, March 19th!

Visit  Blog Talk Radio’s front page on Tuesday March 19th for details by clicking here

 

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FLORIDA AIDS WALK 2013


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As an outward expression of my values, I have joined SunServe’s team of walkers for the 2013 Florida AIDS Walk and Music Festival.   Once again, SunServe has the honor of being a beneficiary of Florida AIDS Walk,.  Please consider sponsoring me which means any money I raise through ‘The Purple Jacket’ goes directly to SunServe Social Services .    

 It will be one year in May when ‘The Purple Jacket and ‘The Bow-Tie-Guy  joined SunServe as the coördinator of Senior Services  and what an exciting trip it has been. Along with a wonderful board and staff, and great volunteers, the staff at SunServe has built a solid, well-recognized and respected social services agency providing needed services to the LGBTQ community. 
SunServe’s Programs–along with our Senior Center and Mental Health Services, we have started Senior Services aimed at keeping our seniors independent and in their homes as long as possible. We have started HIV housing case management and have opened “The Rainbow Room”, a drop in center for LGBTQ youth. We continue to train on cultural competency and offer conferences on LGBTQ challenges in the community. SunServe –is fiscally strong. We have worked to diversify our revenue streams to keep the agency fiscally viable while increasing our fundraising strength, Our administrative overhead is still right around 8% for 2012, we are very proud that we have no debt and our 2012 audit will be available on our website very soon.

Your contribution is tax-deductible where allowed by law and all funds                                                                                            collected by our team go directly to SunServe’s programs! 

Please visit my Florida AIDS Walk page to make your donation by clicking  HERE

Thank You very kindly for your support!

I love that I have a career in which I can be dedicated to improving

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the lives of youth, adults and seniors despite race, creed, sexual identity, socioeconomic status.  

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‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio


be-healthy

On Tuesday February 12th  at 1:00 pm,  we welcome  Dr. Loren Olson  author of ‘Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist’s Own Story’  to our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ show on Blog Talk Radio .

Loren Olson 2-200x300 Loren Olsonjpg Dr. Olson will be talking about his book ‘Finally Out: Letting Go of The Straight Life, A Psychiatrist’s Own Story’ , along with his upcoming appearances in Florida as well as his unexpected Caregiving experience.

Average … he’s not. Not only did Dr. Olson complete medical school, serve four years as a flight surgeon in the U.S. Navy, and embark upon a successful career as a psychiatrist; he also had a compatible eighteen year marriage and raised two daughters with his attorney wife, Lynn, before facing up to a difficult truth about himself: he is gay.

Through Dr. Olson’s expertise, we will all learn how to ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ 

To visit Dr. Olson website and to purchase his book, simply click here.

 Our show is available live at 1:00 pm with optional chat room for you to ask questions to our guest. (Our show is archived so you can listen at your  convenience.) To access our show, simply click  here.

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 To access all our ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ episodes on

blogtalkradiologo Simply click here

 

 

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What Is The Best Thing For Me, The Caregiver?


TLO The Original Blueberry Pancake

TLO The Original Blueberry Pancake

While making Blueberry Pancakes  recently for ‘The Little One,’ I was reminded of a blog post that I wrote last year right after he completed his round of radiation and chemotherapy treatments.  I wrote this post titled ‘The Tumor Extractor’ for just $19.99!   This is one of my very first blog post  (which is copied below)  where I  reflected on how  hope, love, support and care are the real tumor extractors as well as how humor can play an important role in the recovery process, too.  Now more than one year past the original post,  I took a second look at was written and  I am  amazed at what (still) applies today.  Now I take it one step further, as caregivers, we need to apply these same feelings and emotions to ourselves too!  I have to look myself square in the eye on this one!

Dr. Starcevic with 'The Little One'

Dr. Starcevic with ‘The Little One’

Many of the decisions that we made over the past year or so have been centered around what was best for ‘TLO.’  As Caregivers, we know that decisions are often based on what is best for the Caree and for the most part, we’re OK with it. Yet how often do we as Caregivers say…’What is the best thing for me, the Caregiver? 

It is easy to get lost in the  Caregiving experience and lose sight of self.  I’ve been there!  Trying to regroup in the midst of Caregiving and express  my own needs is by no means an easy task.  For me, expressing my own needs can be scary, well…actually it is scary.  Is it a sign of weakness, or failure or the messiah complex.  Or am I just a rut?   The bottom line is simple, when you put someone else’s needs ahead of your own, you lose sight of self.   It happens before you know it.  The signs are obvious to everyone, yet camouflage to self.

These are some of the critical signs that caregivers need to be aware of  in relation to our own health and well-being. 

I get a gold star: I score high on all five traits!  

Photo Credit: Dr. Wayne Dyer

Photo Credit: Dr. Wayne Dyer

I have been conscious of these issues for quite some time, yet have been immobilized to act on it.   I don’t know why, I just know that it has happened. Over the past number of weeks, ‘TLO’ has been asking me to make an appointment to see my doctor.   “You need to take better care of yourself,’ he demanded!   He has recognized ‘the signs’, inspired me to do something about it,  and finally I acted on it.

The trip to the doctor’s office was not without anxiety.  I had not seen Dr. Scalia since I left Fort Lauderdale in 2007 and much has changed since then. Going in, I knew he would ‘get-it’ as  Dr. Scalia was on the team of Doctors who took care of Father Orlando, so there was immediate comfort and recognition.

Healthy Living is for everyone!

Healthy Living is for everyone!

Yet at the same time, there was quite a bit of reflection on Father Orlando as Dr. Scalia was the attending physician leading up to his transition in 2006.    When he entered the room, I was greeted with a warm smile…There was no need to hold back, he could see the expression on my face.   We talked openly and honestly; it felt great to have someone totally focused on my needs.   He did the battery of tests; EKG was normal, blood pressure normal: the blood work results and follow-up will be later in December.   All the same concerns that I demonstrate for ‘TLO’ are the same concerns that both Dr. Scalia and ‘TLO’ expressed for me.  That’s not a bad thing!

‘To Be A Healthy Caregiver’  does not mean just taking care of your Caree, it caregivinglogomeans taking care of yourself, too.  I’ve taken the first steps and now need to follow through with a Care Plan for myself.  The best  Care Plan available to me is through Caregiving.com.   Denise Brown from Carigiving.com offers a care plan that  focuses on WELL:

Wisdom comes from being attentive, grateful and curious.

Energy comes from my food, my exercise and my physical, mental, spiritual and emotional breaks.

Laughter comes from within myself, from my relationships and from my entertainment.

Love comes from within myself, from my relationships and from my passions,

However, the best care plan will be for not if you don’t use it!

  • I encourage you to visit’s Caregiving.com by simply clicking here to…lots of great information…lots of great people too!

I often forget that my biggest supporter is the one who I care for because he knows me better than anyone else.  By going to the doctor and implementing my care plan through Caregiving.com , I can take better care of myself.  Not every day is a ‘Blueberry Pancake’ Day.  Caring for someone who has a chronic illness is not for the faint of heart.  As caregivers, caring-for-caregiverit is essential that we to  apply  Love, Hope, Support and Care in relation to our needs too.  

If I am going to be a provider of  Love, Hope, Support and Care… Shouldn’t I be a receiver too?  Yet in order to receive, you have to be open and recognize your own personal needs.   For me, looking internally and owning my own feelings and emotions,  then expressing those emotions and feelings will not only make me healthier, it will make be a better caregiver, too!

Below is my post from November 6th, 2011…Thanks for reading it again!

We have all seen those gadgets that they sell on TV… It seems that all those gadgets sell for just $19.99 and better yet, all these gadgets are a must need for every household! As I was preparing waffles for breakfast this morning I came across a new product called ‘The Tumor Extractor’

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‘The Tumor Extractor’

Simply apply to the area of the tumor and all your troubles will be gone!

‘The Little One’ and I enjoyed a great laugh when I presented him with our new ‘Tumor Extractor’ and just think…we only spent $10,000 on chemo and radiation and could have had this gadget for $19.99! (Of course Monty Python’s Spamalot is playing in the background.) Every cancer patient and caregiver wishes there was something as quick and simple as ‘The Tumor Extractor’ to remove cancer from the body. But what is available to every cancer patient and caregiver is hope, love, support and humor. That is the true Cancer Extractor! While each one of us deals with the reality of cancer in a different way, we want to look on the bright side of life! Yesterday is gone, today is here, not sure about tomorrow. Today we are enjoying our new ‘Tumor Extractor’ even if it will only help us make waffles. It is our hope that lets us withstand stand problems…but it is our beliefs that lets us find solutions.   And remember… ‘Always look on the bright side of life!’

You See…We Might Have Cancer…But Cancer Does Not Have Us! 
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The ‘Price’ of CareGiving


I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.  Mother Teresa 
 

As Caregivers we are often put in a position where we have to choose between what’s good for ourself and what is  good for the person for whom we are caring.  If you are a caregiver like me (and I bet you are), you are always putting the needs of your caree first.   Placing someones else’s needs in front of your own can be difficult for some people to understand; but not for the caregiver! In our me first society, and in many business circles, decisions like this are frowned on and often not understood.

To be a healthy caregiver, we have to learn how to live life in the solutions of our Caregiving experience; not solely in the problems of our Caregiving experience.  By living a life focused on solutions, we live our life with clarity, hope and love. Focusing solely on problems, we live in fear, worry and despair.  Focusing on solutions is not only a  healthy mindset for caregivers, it is a healthy mindset for everyone.  

I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. After almost 10 years of Caregiving,  I started to focus more  on the problem, not the solutions. By focusing only on the problems, I lost myself and just created more problems in return.   Losing yourself complicates Caregiving.  While the love for your caree is strong and sealed, you have to love yourself first in order to solidify your inner peace and purpose.  Your life can’t be that of your caree!

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The price of Caregiving is not fixed, it is different for everyone. But if you don’t recognize the personal cost in Caregiving, you can lose yourself in the process, and that cost is priceless.   What are the signs of losing yourself: weight gain, loss of focus/clarity, financial stress, spiritual uncertainty, your own purpose, professional satisfaction, detachment just to name a few.

For people who care, this is a conundrum. We are always asking ourselves…”Did I do enough; could I have done something different.”  

Yet what we might ask ourselves is…

Are we always looking at the problem, and not the solution? 

While I do not intend to lose  focus on the care of ‘The Little One’,  I am starting to refocus on caring for myself. This has been a revelation of sorts because ‘The Little One’  has been asking me (telling, demanding, requesting, you get the picture) to take better care of myself. Yet immersed in this care and unwilling to listen, reality has come full force.  How can I be a good caregiver, if I can’t take better care of myself?

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

It’s simple:

Eat Less… Move More

Focus on Solutions…Not Problems

Never quit caring… Especially for yourself  

You see…We might have Cancer…

but Cancer does not have us!

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LGBT Aging through the lens of Gen Silent


It’s never too late to give up our prejudices.Henry David Thoreau

You might remember an earlier blog post where I talked about a question that was posed to me by a good (straight) friend of mine, his question was simple: ‘What’s different about LGBT Caregiving.  In that blog post, I wrote  “ A very profound question that is easy to answer, yet difficult to explain.   “Caregiving in and of itself is the same for every couple, you simply care for the one you love.   The difference for the LGBT caregiver is when we have to interact with systems outside of our home that are out of our control.”

As an LGBT caregiver and advocate, my response to that important question pales in comparisons to the magnificent and gut wrenching documentary, Gen Silent.     The real life stories of love, commitment, discernment, hope, happiness and despair told through the lens of “Gen Silent” are gut wrenching, yet important for all audiences in order to understand the plight of LGBT seniors in America. Producer/Director Stu Maddux does a splendid job in piecing together these LGBT pioneers who helped paved the way for what we know today as Gay Pride.

We should all be indebted to them.  

Throughout their life, LGBT seniors have experienced discrimination solely for being ‘different’. LGBT Seniors are one of the most underserved communities in our nation.  Today’s LGBT seniors grew up in a time where they were told that homosexuality was not only a mental illness, but also a crime!

Systems can be unfair, yet pioneers like those in this marvelous film are the ones who help foster change.   Out of the shadows and into our hearts, this documentary provides  viewers with critical examples of why NO senior should be left behind.  This issue is not a local issue, it is a universal issue.  Somewhere along the line in our discussion about critical issues that face our society, we have lost the ability to look and talk about these issues empathically.

No matter what side of the fence you are on in regards to gay marriage; Equality in not a privilege, it is a basic human right.  Through the lens of Gen Silent” you will see the true meaning of love and why equality and equal rights are so important in our society today because everyone deserves a perfect sunset to their life.

Kudo’s to Stu Maddux and the staff at the LGBT Aging Project for a job well done.   Thank You to Ellen Wender of Creative Arts Enterprises and Treece Financial Group for taking the initiative to bring this documentary to South Florida.  Thank You to Diane Lade of the Sun-Sentinel for writing such a superb article on “Gen Silent” how nursing homes can push gay seniors back into the closet.

For information on how you can bring “Gen Silent” to your community, click here to visit the films website and ‘like’ them on Facebook, too!

To learn how your agency can develop LGBT-sensitive policies, train staff,  create welcoming environments, and receive CEU’s visit SunServe Social Services.

“We might have cancer…but cancer does not have us!”

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The Weight of the Matter


 

Circa 2002

Pictures tell a thousand words. Ten years ago, I weighed in at 285 lbs. When this picture was taken in January of 2002, I took a very close look in the mirror, as I did not recognize the person in this photo. It was time to do some personal assessment. Everything had become an effort…I did not like what I saw and set out to change the person in the photo.

Circa 2004

Fast forward to 2004, I weighed in at 185 lbs. How did I do it, my motto was simple…”Eat Less and Move More!” My exercise consisted of rollerblading, bike riding, walking…, but most importantly, I incorporated a positive attitude into my daily schedule. After years of inactivity, I found my stride. I enjoyed being outside and was diligent in scheduling exercise into my daily calendar. Exercise was an important part of my life

Circa 2004

Circa 2005

Through my experience of taking care of Father Orlando and after his passing in January of 2006, I was able to keep the weight off and be as active as my schedule allowed me to be.

Circa 2006

Circa 2007

Yet I can see the weight starting to creep up in 2007.

After Father Orlando passed away in 2006, I made the leap of faith, sold the condo in Fort Lauderdale, and decide to return home to St. Louis in 2008 to be closer to family and friends. The return to St. Louis was filled with excitement, challenges, new adventures, and disappointment. ‘The Little One’ joined me in St. Louis, which was one of the best decisions that I made during this time span.

Yet somewhere along the line, I lost track of myself and the weight started to pile back on!

Circa 2008 & 2009

Circa 2010 & 2011

In August of 2011, ‘The Little One’ was diagnosed with Esophagus cancer and I found myself in the role of caregiver once again. I first recognized my severe weight gain in late 2011 when I weighed in at 252 lbs.

I was horrified!

Circa 2012

I let myself go and there was no one to blame other than me. While I was able to take off some of the weight early 2012, another transition happened…we returned to Florida to be closer to ‘The Little One’s’ health care providers. Another move, another transition, another new adventure...

STARTING OVER AGAIN

Circa 2012

Care giver stress comes in so many different forms; Emotional, Physical, Financial. Weight Loss is such a personal thing; there are so many components to healthy living and weight loss. None more important than friendship, support and a healthy mindset!

That is why I am excited about being involved in FitPass with Caregiving.com

FitPASS, a monthly membership program for family caregivers to find their fitness:

1. Weekly phone calls with a facilitator to discuss goals, receive feedback, feel support, get encouragement
2. Monthly members-only blogtalkradio show with an expert with health, fitness, finance, and nutrition.
3. Private online support group on Caregiving.com to connect with other members to post goals, celebrate success, stay focused.
4. Monthly chats on Twitter
5. Weekly private chats for members on the Caregiving.com

We have to be good caretakers of ourselves in order to be good caretakers of each other!

FitPASS is going to provide me with the support I need in order to get back to my ideal weight of 185lbs.

Our FitPASS program will be starting on September 10th and I am pleased to collaborate with Caregiving.com on this project!

For further information on FitPASS visit Caregiving.com

You will be able to track

progess right here at The Purple Jacket

Through our cancer treatments, our subsequent return to Fort Lauderdale, we have learned so many valuable lessons, none greater than this

Home is wherever we are together.

You see…

We might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!

 

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Gen-Silent in Fort Lauderdale


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Filed under caregiver, Caregiving, Gay Caregiving, Gay Seniors, Intergenerational, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Couples, LGBT Seniors, Older man, Senior Health, Senior Housing

Phone A Friend!


 

Photo Credit: Pinterest

 

SunServe’s Phone A Friend program is off and running with a full head of steam. The goal of the program is to pair cohorts for a daily, friendly, phone conversation. The Phone a Friend program allows seniors to feel secure in knowing that someone will be checking in with them on a daily basis while allowing them to gracefully age in place. The unique aspect of the Phone A Friend program is that they senior receives a call from the same volunteer. This model allows the two participants to develop rapport and trust, which in turns leans to more conversations that are meaningful.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

The feedback from both the volunteers and the seniors has been terrific. Our goal of connecting people together has had a positive effect on all the participants. Seniors feel like they are being heard; Volunteers are feeling like they are giving back to the community. This is a win/win for everyone many of these seniors and their families and friends feel as if this program will allow them to remain independent over a longer period and thus increase the overall quality of life.

I have learned through my Caregiving experience and ‘The Purple Jacket’ is that Empathy transmits hope and reality. Transmitting the theory of the empathic communicator to the SunServe Phone Tree provides hope, encouragement and friendship to those who might feel that they are left on the outside, looking in.

To learn more about this Sun-Service contact me via email at cmaclellan@sunserve.org or visit us online  at SunServe

Photo Credit: SunServe Social Services

 

 

 

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