Tag Archives: caregiving

June 20, 2012 · 8:30 am

A Night with ‘Harriet Craig’

This past weekend, we took the opportunity to motor to Mount Dora, Florida. Funny how the last two weekends have developed for us; two weekends ago we were on the verge of heading to the hospital, this past weekend, we are traveling to Mount Dora. It is difficult to know just what to expect when you are dealing with cancer.

Photo Credit: The Bow-Tie-Guy

Why Mount Dora, Florida you ask? Going back to their days in Manhattan, ‘The Little One’ has a friend of 60+ years living in Mount Dora. Mount Dora is a little town just north of Orlando, known for its quaint antique shops. It is a beautiful town and surprisingly, has plenty of things to do. But this was not a weekend for tourism, this was a weekend of storytelling and laughter!

With over 60 years of friendship behind them, the conversation was unrestrained. Names from the past, (celebrities to boot!) stories that never ended. To them, yesterday was today and tomorrow will come: it was a beautiful experience. Finally the name…’Harriet Craig’ was blurted out and the laughter got more pronounced. Harriet Craig was a nickname given to ‘The Little Ones’ friend years ago because of his constant need to clean the apartment he shared in Manhattan with his partner of over 40 years. Apparently, ‘Harriet’ just could not stand a dirty ashtray, one flick of the ash and up Harriet would go to clean the tray; always in constant motion, always on top of the conversation. Once I learned why Harriet Craig, I understood the connection to the character in the movie as the villa was in impeccable condition! As we moved on to dinner, it was easy to see who was in charge…Harriet Craig!

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Harriet Craig is a 1950 movie played by the legendary Joan Crawford. The movie credits go like this… ‘Domineering Harriet Craig holds more regard for her home and its possessions than she does for any person in her life. Neurotic perfectionist Harriet Craig (Crawford) makes life miserable for everyone around her.’ While the description of the character in the movie does not accurately depict ‘The Little Ones’ friend, the metaphor is there in order to create the ‘sting.’

I was told that I was not old enough and privileged enough to call him ‘Harriet Craig!’

Their stories sounded quite familiar to that what you would hear today. If you are a ‘Sister’ you know what I mean. Long standing friends reminiscing about their past, grateful for their partners, their friendship and their freedom to be who they are. Gay Marriage, Equal Rights and the sorts, all talked about in their day, just not in the volume that we hear today.

Yet…Who Are They?

They are two close friends, in separate (gay) relationships, lasting over 40 years each, which is quite the accomplishment, no matter what side of the fence you are on! Yet these accomplishments often go unnoticed in our society as we here more about what’s wrong with gay relationships than what’s right about gay relationships. They are your uncles, cousins, they are your friends…

Who Are They?

Photo Credit: Unknown

They are your neighbor right next door. We have all heard the phrase…’home is where the heart is.’ That phrase applies to everyone’s home, not just a selected few.

Our friend in Mount Dora is just a few years older than ‘The Little One’, leads an active life, accepted by his cohorts, active in his neighborhood, has dinner with his neighbors and volunteers at hospice. He is your neighbor.

Who Are They?

Stonewall Inn 1969 Photo Credit Diane Davies

They are two men who lived not only during the time of the Stonewall Riots, they lived in the mist of the Stonewall Riots where friends of them were killed just for being who they are. The riots inspired LGBT people throughout the country to organize in support of gay rights, and within two years after the riots, gay rights groups had been started in nearly every major city in the United States. They are your pioneers…

This weekend, when you see all the stores on the news about Gay Pride weekend, remember those Gay Seniors who live alone and cannot get to the parade. Remember those Gay Seniors who still live in fear; Remember those gay seniors who lived and worked in the trenches in order to bring LGBT equality issues of today to the forefront.

And finally, remember the thousand upon thousand of Gay Seniors who have lived their life in committed and long lasting relationships only to be denied their equal rights.

Who Are They?

They are your American Seniors, who just happen to be Gay.

Photo Credit: Webshots

You See…‘We might have Cancer; but Cancer does not have us!’

Photo Credit: The Bow-Tie-Guy

Politics & Pride: Learning from Our History (bilerico.com)
New York Pride Week 2012 (travelwyse.wordpress.com)
AIDS Walk Benefit: Stonewall Riots Anniversary (kfor.com)
Film fest kicks off gay pride month (thehindu.com)
History in a small town (queerlandia.com)
Communities of One? (thepurplejacket.com)

2 Comments

Filed under Caregiving

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Caregiver, caregiving, Gay pride, Gay Seniors, Harriet Craig, Joan Crawford, LGBT, Little One, Mount Dora, Mount Dora Florida, Stonewall Riots

May 29, 2012 · 12:41 am

What’s different about LGBT Care giving?

I have to admit, I have had a difficult time writing these past few weeks. “The Little One” continues to excel now that we are settled in South Florida. While there has been a couple of flare ups recently with his esophagus, all in all, his progress continues to exceed expectations. We are most thankful.

While reconnecting with a good friend of mine here in South Florida, we started a conversation in regards to Caregiving. As a PHD and LCSW, my friend is a trusted advisor who just happens to be straight, but not narrow! 🙂

One morning over breakfast he asked me…”What exactly is different about LGBT Caregiving.” A very profound question that is easy to answer, yet difficult to explain. “Caregiving in an of itself is the same for every couple, you simply care for the one you love. The difference for the LGBT caregiver is when we have to interact with systems outside of our home that are out of our control .”

I continued on with an example so that my friend could better understand my position. (Speaking to my friend now) Consider both of us arriving at the hospital emergency room as caregivers: you are attending to your wife, me attending to my partner. The farthest thing on your mind on the way to the hospital is how will you, as the husband, will be accepted by the hospital staff.

Photo Credit: Free Digital Photos

On the other hand, when we walk into the hospital there is always the aspect of doubt lurking behind those doors …’What is the nature of your relationship,’ is a commonly asked question when two individuals of the same sex appear on the scene. You walk in with your wife, the staff and attendants at the hospital presuppose that you are a married couple. We on the other hand are constantly in fear of losing access to the one that we care for and love. I doubt you travel with your marriage license or Power of Attorney on a regular basis in order to prove your relationship in these professional settings? I never leave the house without a copy of all our legal documents. Even with the legal documents, that does not guarantee acceptance as often times we will have to deal with an employee’s individual bias and bigotry.

It was at that moment that a ‘red light’ went on in with my friend. “I completely understand the issue about marriage equality now.” The conversation continued on as it relates to social security, benefits, the entire, housing, pension, etc. (I will be blogging about the marriage equality issue later this week) What this conversation demonstrated to me was that when you put a face to an issue, you have a better chance of understanding the issue at hand. This is exactly what happened with my friend. What was foggy, now was clear. All it took was a clear, everyday example to help turn the light bulb on. It was nice to teach a PHD a trick or two; but we have a long way to go with this important issue that faces our society and aging population today!

You See…We might have cancer, but cancer does not have us!