Tag Archives: Caregiver Support

“I’m between 81 and Death!”


If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
Mahatma Gandhi

We are three weeks into our FitPass program with Caregiving.com and the group is progressing along just fine. There are so many reasons why we put on weight; stress, poor choices, not seeing food as fuel is just a few of the topics that come up during our FitPass discussions on Monday night. While I have a long way to go in order to sort out why I have put on weight, I am pleased with the loss of 8lbs since we’ve started this program.

It just so happened that the ‘The Little One‘ had his own discussion on health and fitness with a nurse who came to visit him on Monday in our home. This visit was a courtesy of one of the many programs that his insurance plan has for him in Florida. (Hence another reason to be here full-time) While I missed the visit today, I certainly heard about it during our dinner conversation.

“I was given all these instructions on what I should be eating and how I should be eating. While I appreciated the concern and the information I was given, I just looked at her and said...I’m between 81 and death, at this point in my life and what I have been through this past year, what difference does it really make what I eat?” I’m sure he said this in a polite tone.

I mentioned ‘The Little One’s conversation this evening during our FitPass conference call and made the comment, “I’m the one who should have had that conversation today as it is my eating habits and fitness that is out of whack.”

The common denominator here is simple, it is about the perception of one’s quality of life.

‘The Little One’ can never be accused of not having a realistic view of his condition. Yesterday is gone — today is here — not sure about tomorrow. He has admirably lived by this motto for quite some time now. (Remember, he was given 3-4 months to live last October!) Like many people who are diagnosed with a life threatening illness, it’s not uncommon for a conversation to take place about Quality of Life. Quality of Life will have a different meaning for each one each of us. ‘The Little One’ has outlived everyone’s expectations; he is cognizant of what quality of life means to him. Who is it for anyone else to argue with him on this point? At this time in his life, eating one less scoop of ice cream or having one less helping of milk chocolate raisins is not going to do anything for him other than deprive him of a pleasure. I’d say ‘go for it and enjoy!’

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The more I thought about his visit with the nurse, and the more I talked about it with our FitPass group, I realized that I have lost sight of what quality of life means to me. You see, as a Caregiver we get so wrapped up in the needs of our caree, we often forget about our own needs. That extra scoop of ice cream sure feels good when you’ve had a stressful day of Caregiving, work, life etc. However, that does not mean you have to have that extra scoop of ice cream every night!

Photo Credit: Wayne Dyer

In order to make healthy choices, we have to be aware of our options. With that, we have to recognize and own what quality of life means to us as an individual . For ‘The Little One’ that extra scoop of ice cream signifies an accomplishment and truly is a part of his quality of life; he has earned it! For me, my quality of life can not be tied solely to his, for in that, I lose my sense of self. (I.e. Weight Gain) How can I be a good caregiver if I am not taking care of myself?

While the nurse that visited our home on Monday was not there to see me, in reality the message she left…was solely for me!

You see…We might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!

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Vote Yes For Online Communties


Purple Jacket Readers Note: This is a formal academic essay submitted on ‘The Purple Jacket’ by…

Chris MacLellan, September 8, 2012, Short Essay #1: Vote Yes for Online Communities, COML 509 Professor Alexander Kuskis, Gonzaga University

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Communication takes place in a myriad of ways and modern technology has certainly changed the way society interacts. What would communication be to a deaf person without the ability to read lips or understand sign language? Smoke singles for the Indians; Morris Code? There is an endless list of communication models, yet the common denominator in all models of communication is some form of human interaction. Modern technology has made the world smaller, creating numerous opportunities for people to come together share resources, while forming international support for any one particular cause. This essay will demonstrate the importance of online communities and their positive effects on sub-groups within society.

Anyone who has been a caregiver knows that outside support is an important part of the Caregiving process. Support can come in many different forms: emotional, physical, and financial just to name a few. To be a healthy caregiver, outside support is essential to the physical and mental well-being of all parties involved in the Caregiving experience. According to the National Family Caregiving Association, “More than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one.” (National Family Caregiving Alliance, 2009) Many of those 65 million people hold down full-time jobs; Working caregivers often sacrifice leisure time, while suffering stress-related illnesses. Caregivers multi-task, are pressed for time, and always searching for that proper balance in life. One way that family caregivers find care, comfort, and support is through online communities.

Photo Credit: Caregiving.com

On-line communities are essential for caregivers. Caregivers use online communities to navigate the home health system, not only for their loved one’s physical and emotional needs, but for their personal support system as well. Denise Brown who leads one of the most popular online Caregiving communities, Caregiving.com said, “Online communities are open 24/7–you can connect when it’s convenient for you. You also can control the type of support you receive–chats, online support groups, blogging, simply reading and lurking. Online communities offer so many options for how and when you connect. They are a great reminder that you aren’t alone, that others understand and know what it’s like.” (Brown, 2012)

Online communities can be as diverse as your neighborhoods. The same can be said for the online community at Caregiving.com. This form of Computer Mediated Communication (CMC) offers a variety of subgroups within the Caregiving genre as Caregiving comes in many different forms. (I.e. Caring for parents, caring for a spouse, caring for a partner, caring for children, caring for sibling) “According to social network scholars, CMC is more than capable of supporting strong, multiple ties between people.” (Thurlow, Lengel & Tomic, 2004) This is where Caregiving.com is at its best. Caregivers are so focused on taking care of others; caregivers often lose sight of self. The Caregiving.com community provides an immediate outlet for all caregivers to help escape loneliness,share resources while collaborating on issues that caregivers face on a daily basis. “For the family members of older people, online social networks can provide a bit of relief.” (Clifford, 2009) Simply put, on-line communities provide the assurance of knowing that you are not alone.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

The very nature of Caregiving implies that someone is the recipient of care. However, how do you describe the person you care for? In 2009, this topic came up for discussion on Caregiving.com as the common description used for those receiving care was ‘care recipient’. One of the members pointed out that the label ‘care recipient’ did not accurately reflect her Caregiving role with her mother. Like any other community who constructively deals with an issue it faces, the community at Caregiving.com collaborated on what the proper term to use for those for whom are cared. “Successful communities evolve to keep pace with the changing needs of members and owners.” (Kim, 2000) Through discussion and subsequent polling of the online community, the term (and new word) ‘caree’ was developed and instituted on Caregiving.com. This type of collaboration creates healthy communities because a voice was heard, action was taken and results were achieved. Everyone felt a part of the process and now the word ‘Caree’ is often heard throughout the network of caregivers.

Photo Credit: thirdage.com

Human nature expresses the need for some form of personal contact with another. While Face-to-Face (F2F) contact is preferable, that is not practical for caregivers who often cannot leave their caree. For the caregiver, “We have also seen how large number of people have in fact begun to establish complex arrangements of long-standing, meaningful social relationships online.” (Thurlow et al., 2004 p.99) On-line communities provides a 24/7 outlet that F2F support groups cannot provide. Having the ability to connect with someone walking in the same footsteps, provides immeasurable care and comfort to a stressed out caregiver. During the 16 years of existence of Caregiving.com, strong personal relationships have been built through this online community.

Photo Credit:thirdage.com

Denise Brown started her online Caregiving journey with Caregiving.com in 1996. Like many healthy online communities, Caregiving.com recognized a need, then put a plan in place to meet the needs of the community of caregivers. Online communities are more than just a niche market; they are communities of real people facing real problems. Through the diversity of online communities, there is unity and a common bond because everyone shares the same footprint. However, the best part about healthy online communities as exemplified by Caregiving.com is that everyone is your friendly neighbor.

References

National Family Caregiving Alliance. (2009). Caregiving statistics. Retrieved from http://www.thefamilycaregiver.org/who_are_family_caregivers/Care_giving_statsitics. cfm

Brown, D. (2012, September 7). Interview by C. MacLellan [Personal Interview].

Thurlow, C., Lengel, L., & Tomic, A. (2004). Computer mediated communication: Social interaction and the internet. (p. 100). London: SAGE.

Clifford, S. (2009, June 2). Online, ‘a reason to keep on going’. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/health/02face.html?_r=1&pagewanted=print

Kim, A. J. (2000). Community building on the web. (p. 21). Berkeley: Peachpit Press.

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The ‘Price’ of CareGiving


I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.  Mother Teresa 
 

As Caregivers we are often put in a position where we have to choose between what’s good for our self and what is  good for the person for whom we are caring.  If you are a caregiver like me (and I bet you are), you are always putting the needs of your caree first.   Placing someones else’s needs in front of your own can be difficult for some people to understand; but not for the caregiver! In our me first society, and in many business circles, decisions like this are frowned on and often not understood.

To be a healthy caregiver, we have to learn how to live life in the solutions of our Caregiving experience; not solely in the problems of our Caregiving experience.  By living a life focused on solutions, we live our life with clarity, hope and love. Focusing solely on problems, we live in fear, worry and despair.  Focusing on solutions is not only a  healthy mindset for caregivers, it is a healthy mindset for everyone.  

I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. After almost 10 years of Caregiving,  I started to focus more  on the problem, not the solutions. By focusing only on the problems, I lost myself and just created more problems in return.   Losing yourself complicates Caregiving.  While the love for your caree is strong and sealed, you have to love yourself first in order to solidify your inner peace and purpose.  Your life can’t be that of your caree!

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The price of Caregiving is not fixed, it is different for everyone. But if you don’t recognize the personal cost in Caregiving, you can lose yourself in the process, and that cost is priceless.   What are the signs of losing yourself: weight gain, loss of focus/clarity, financial stress, spiritual uncertainty, your own purpose, professional satisfaction, detachment just to name a few.

For people who care, this is a conundrum. We are always asking ourselves…”Did I do enough; could I have done something different.”  

Yet what we might ask ourselves is…

Are we always looking at the problem, and not the solution? 

While I do not intend to lose  focus on the care of ‘The Little One’,  I am starting to refocus on caring for myself. This has been a revelation of sorts because ‘The Little One’  has been asking me (telling, demanding, requesting, you get the picture) to take better care of myself. Yet immersed in this care and unwilling to listen, reality has come full force.  How can I be a good caregiver, if I can’t take better care of myself?

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

It’s simple:

Eat Less… Move More

Focus on Solutions…Not Problems

Never quit caring… Especially for yourself  

You see…We might have Cancer…

but Cancer does not have us!

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Can You Be a Healthy Caregiver?


YES YOU CAN be a healthy caregiver!

Join our TWITTER  #carefit chat tonight at 8 pm ET with 

 

Denise Brown @caregiving 

       and

Chris MacLellan @thebowtieguy

Find us on Twitter TONIGHT August 20th 8:00 PM  #carefit       
 We’ll discuss how to stay healthy as you care.
 HOW TO GET FROM
 

THERE

HERE

TO

 

and maintain a healthy lifestyle  while you care !

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American Society on Aging


I am pleased to share with you my article that was published today with the American Society on Aging. There are five wonderful articles, along with an introduction from Holly Deni who helped collaborate this project;  Finding Pride in Caring: LGBT caregivers answer the call from the community  This link will take you to Holly’s introduction where you can see all the wonderful articles written by LGBT care givers. It is an honor to be associated with these fine people! ENJOY

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The Heart of Caregiving


Cancer came upon us in one full swoop.  Often times, we get into situations that are beyond our control…’things’ just happen, like Cancer.  Care-givers are often thrown into their roles on a moments notice.  Cancer or other debilitating illnesses do not arrive by invitation, they just show up at your door unannounced. When you think about it, no one wants their loved one to be ill, no one wants to see their parent, spouse, child or best friend ill.  Unfortunately, illness is a part of life that we all have to deal with.  At a moments notice you become a care-giver, without any warning, without any preparation, without any idea of what you are supposed to do next.  All of a sudden you are responsible for someones well-being because of their illness.    Care-giving is a tremendous, rewarding  and sometimes a frustrating experience, yet care-giving has meaning to it that is beyond approach.

While I do not often revert  to my theological training, I am reminded of the Corporal Works of Mercy which are, simply stated, the seven practices of charity towards our neighbor…

1. Feed the hungry: 2. Give drink to the thirsty: 3. Clothe the naked: 4. Shelter the homeless: 5. Visit the sick: 6.Visit those in prison: 7. Bury the dead.

I see the Corporal Works of Mercy as a job descriptions for caregivers.  There is an art in accomplishing these task and  and in accomplishing these tasks, one has to have a caring heart.  Care-giving is not a role for the faint of heart, it is not a role suited for everyone.  Just as we all have different talents, skills and life avocations, being a care-giver is no different.  The tryouts are usually on the fly and without much preparation, however care-giving is bound to have a profound effect on all involved in the experience.

One of the most important components of being a care-giver is that you  have a caring heart.  Sound kind of silly doesn’t it?  But it is true!   How many other ‘jobs’ monitor the feelings inside your heart?  Being a care-giver is not a ‘job’ to those who do it, it’s an avocation.    If  you are not truly concerned about the person you are caring for, then it might be a good idea for you  to take a close look at what you are doing for that person. There is a high rate of burn out in care-giving;  care-giving is an  intense experience where you often surrender your self for the needs of someone else.  Finding that happy balance is truly a slippery slope. The art of care-giving always starts with a feeling from inside heart.

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