The Lamp Shade


Humor can take the edge off a number of situations, especially when dealing with serious health or care-giving issues.  For those who have followed our blog, you’ll know that we often use humor to get through many difficult days.  Reality is what it is; hard do change, sometimes equally hard to deal with.

Moving can be stressful too, yet in a different way.  Sooner or later, the last box will be unpacked, the last picture will find itself on the wall, everything will find its place!  Even a miss-placed Lamp Shade.

Upon the arrival of the furniture and the mounds of mess and stress that followed,  I was left to ponder about caregivers who are often under stress and burdened by their task at hand.  You see, sometimes in the heat of care-giving,  we can lose sight of the fact that the one who is being cared for is… ill.

When your ‘patient’ says something out-of-turn, don’t blame the ‘patient’… blame the disease.  When your ‘patient’ does not feel like eating, don’t blame the ‘patient’…blame the disease.  When ‘the patient’ is just not feeling up to doing something, don’t blame the ‘patient’…blame the disease.  Caring is a daunting task and the caregiver often loses themselves in the process, and you know, that’s OK because it’s not ‘the patient’s’ fault…it’s the disease.

Just as Lamp Shades protect the bright lights of the bulbs of which they cover, care-givers do the same as they protect and ‘shade’ those for who they care for.  When the light burns out, we don’t blame the shade, we blame the bulb. When illness plays havoc with our loved one, we don’t blame the patient, we blame the disease.

Image  When we are focused on the task at hand, mindful that it’s the disease, not the patient…every ‘lamp shade’ finds its proper place, with love, tenderness and commitment.

We are blessed by the good health reports we are receiving in Florida and look to continue to bring great ‘shade’ to those around us!

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Florida arrival


We arrived safe and sound in Deerfield Beach this week. While we miss our family and friends in St. Louis, We are both thankful to be in South Florida.

This afternoon we are visiting the primary care physician; Monday the cardiologist and Tuesday the Oncologist. The report today at the PCP has been great. There is weight gain, all the critical numbers are good. The doctor is quite pleased, and so are we…This has been a remarkable recovery!

It’s great to share our sunshine with you from the Sunshine State!

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Transitions


As we make the transition and return to Florida full-time for our next round of test and treatments, this is what we think about Cancer!

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You see, while we have Cancer; Cancer does not have us.

See you in Florida… Thanks for reading The Purple Jacket!

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The Heart of Caregiving


Cancer came upon us in one full swoop.  Often times, we get into situations that are beyond our control…’things’ just happen, like Cancer.  Care-givers are often thrown into their roles on a moments notice.  Cancer or other debilitating illnesses do not arrive by invitation, they just show up at your door unannounced. When you think about it, no one wants their loved one to be ill, no one wants to see their parent, spouse, child or best friend ill.  Unfortunately, illness is a part of life that we all have to deal with.  At a moments notice you become a care-giver, without any warning, without any preparation, without any idea of what you are supposed to do next.  All of a sudden you are responsible for someones well-being because of their illness.    Care-giving is a tremendous, rewarding  and sometimes a frustrating experience, yet care-giving has meaning to it that is beyond approach.

While I do not often revert  to my theological training, I am reminded of the Corporal Works of Mercy which are, simply stated, the seven practices of charity towards our neighbor…

1. Feed the hungry: 2. Give drink to the thirsty: 3. Clothe the naked: 4. Shelter the homeless: 5. Visit the sick: 6.Visit those in prison: 7. Bury the dead.

I see the Corporal Works of Mercy as a job descriptions for caregivers.  There is an art in accomplishing these task and  and in accomplishing these tasks, one has to have a caring heart.  Care-giving is not a role for the faint of heart, it is not a role suited for everyone.  Just as we all have different talents, skills and life avocations, being a care-giver is no different.  The tryouts are usually on the fly and without much preparation, however care-giving is bound to have a profound effect on all involved in the experience.

One of the most important components of being a care-giver is that you  have a caring heart.  Sound kind of silly doesn’t it?  But it is true!   How many other ‘jobs’ monitor the feelings inside your heart?  Being a care-giver is not a ‘job’ to those who do it, it’s an avocation.    If  you are not truly concerned about the person you are caring for, then it might be a good idea for you  to take a close look at what you are doing for that person. There is a high rate of burn out in care-giving;  care-giving is an  intense experience where you often surrender your self for the needs of someone else.  Finding that happy balance is truly a slippery slope. The art of care-giving always starts with a feeling from inside heart.

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Very nice to be recognized…

adollyciousirony's avatarallaboutlemon-All Around, In, And Out Of My Own Universe

Liebster Blog Award

I know it sounds like “Lobster” which by the way, it is my favorite seafood 🙂

Anyways this Award is given to bloggers who have less than 200 followers, all in the spirit of fostering new connections. 

Leibster is German & means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’ but it can also mean ‘favorite’ & the idea of the Liebster award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers & pass the award on to 5 or more bloggers.

Don’t get excited, I know, I know that I already have more than 200 followers.  Would this mean I am breaking the rules?  Maybe I am, hehehhe 🙂

But I think this is just okay, because I was already nominated before when I just got started my blog and I only have like less than 15 followers back 3 months ago, so I did not have a chance…

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A Word from The Little One


Tonight at dinner we were chatting about our blog as I have been asked to write an article for a national publication on Care-Givers and Care-Giving in April (more to come on that exciting news).  The Little One wanted me to share these words with you this evening…

“Thank you for reading ‘The Purple Jacket” I hope that in reading Chris’ account of my fight with esophagus cancer  that you don’t give up hope, share in the joy and comfort that you can reap from this wonderful thing, a dedicated caregiver. My siblings have pass on; not only is he my caregiver, he is my partner I would be all alone with out his dedication and love.  Even though cancer has struck me, for the second time, I find joy and compassion being with my partner and caregiver.  Go through life with a strong will, even at those darkest times, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.   Bernard Richard Schiffer 2.5.2012.

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‘The Extreme Patient’


While ‘The Little One’ continues to show marked improvement while recovering from the trauma of chemotherapy and radiation, we move on to another calamity called sciatica. Anyone who has had back pain knows how debilitating it can be, yet to alleviate the pain we must be open to new modes of treatment.

On Wednesday we motored to InMotion Health and Wellness for a visit with Dr. Greg Neff to see if Chiropractic help was in order for his current ailment.  The ‘Extreme Patient’ as we see in this photo opportunity for his building fan club,  (yes KJ, the only thing missing is the Tiara!) decided to ride the wave and try out this new treatment.   Of course there was the debate…”This is not going to work”…’Why are we wasting our time”… etc, etc, etc.  While I try not to roll my eyes (at least noticeably  to others), we just continue on with our friendly banter because that is the way we communicate.

Communication is a funny thing; just like relationships.  It’s funny how the two go hand in hand.  Relationships are built on strong communication and trust.    Yet in communicating his apprehension to Chiropractic care, I knew that this was simply a way for him to let off some frustration.    Sometimes, you just have to let go!

As caregivers, we have to be mindful that while we are there in a supporting role, it’s not our body that  is going through the treatments.   How much can the mind and body take in such a short period of time?  I think that really depends on the person and their ability to communicate their wants, needs and desires.  And in the supporting role, the caregiver has to be mindful that what you might want for your loved one, may not be what they want; what a slippery slope!

It is through honest communication,  built on trust and love that truly reveals the essence of a relationship.  We’re glad that we have (and share) this trust and love as we continue on this journey to better health and happiness.

 

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“Because They Are Nice”


As we continue to recover from the chemo and radiation therapy, we often reflect on ‘how things used to be’.  Always willing to be on the go, ‘The Little One’ has taken a wait and see attitude on many of the things he used to like to do.   While there has been steady progress in his overall health these past few weeks, we are really on a ‘day-to-day event planner schedule.

Crowds has never been his thing, even when feeling good.  So approaching his 81st birthday, I was puzzled at what might we do?  And…if we would be able to do it!  With a small gathering in Brentwood, ‘The Little One” was greeted by ‘The Sisters’ and a couple of friends from our Tuesday night group at Pietro’s.   (of course, one sister forgot to make it)

What struck me about the evening was not so much about the significance of the day, but rather the engagement in conversation of “The Little One.”    I will be the first one to admit that I can be a little worry wort and always have one eye out for him, yet on this night I glad that I did because I saw a person return to life in a way that was good to see.

You see, cancer can take the root out of your being. Cancer drains your energy, it drains your confidence and it drains your piece of mind.  It is easy to understand why so many people give up, that is why outside support is so important in the healing process.  What I saw on Saturday was a man who enjoyed talking about topics that were important to him, all removed from the thought of having cancer.  When the topic turned to the Virgin Islands, well…he was off and running. You can’t go through 81 years of life without having special memories of people, places and things.   It was a joy to watch him revel in the conversation.

When we talked about his ‘engagement’ at the gathering, I mentioned to him that it was great to see him involved in conversation that was important to him and completely outside to scope of health, cancer and the rest.  He too, acknowledged that it was a great experience, with lots of fun  and easy to talk to ‘because they are so nice.’

What “The Little One” learned on this evening is that its good for him to be in conversation on topics that he enjoys as it takes his mind of the health concerns.  What I learned is that I cannot be mother hen, worried about every step in the road.   We live day by day.   Often times we go through life with so many misunderstandings, so many unresolved conflicts and so many worries that seem unbearable.

Yet when you think about it, it is easier to get through the day simply when people are nice!

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Moving Forward


With no test scheduled until the middle of March, we look ahead thankful for the break from the radiation and chemotherapy, yet concerned as we move forward. Cancer takes so much out of everyone; its not a disease that leaves quietly, but rather lingers on in our mist.  Treatments are a necessity; aftereffects are unknown.

“The Little One” reminds me on a day to day basis  that he has lost a step or two.  Not wanting to admit it, but I see it too. We hold out so much hope for a full recovery, and in our mind and in our hearts, we know we have been given extended stay.  Why not make the most of it, even if its just a step or two slower?

Giving up control is such a hard thing to do.  (Where is that Tumor Extractor when you need it!)  One of the hardest things to do as a Caregiver is to give up control, but this is an essential element of being a caregiver.  We want to take control of the disease, take control of the loved one, take control of everything in our paths in order to provide the utmost care.  Yet it is when we give up control that we really care: What is here today, is gone tomorrow.  Yet in our thoughts and in our prayers, we only want to do what is best.

“The Little One” knows that he has lost a step or two; who wouldn’t after having 30 radiation treatments to go along with 6 sessions of Chemotherapy? I see it, too…but that does not detour us.  There will be good days, there will be bad days and there will be more days of beauty.  We can only go by how the day takes us, which in turn means giving up control and being free from what binds us!

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A Day of Beauty


With so much seriousness over the past few months dealing with Cancer, it is time to relax, reflect and be thankful for our time together.

So what does one do with ‘A Day of Beauty’….

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; we are thankful for our time together. No matter what the future has in store for us, we will forge ahead. Because in our heart and in our mind, everyday is a day of beauty!

Happy New Year from ‘The Purple Jacket’

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