Tag Archives: Bow Tie Guy

In These Shoes Part III


The ‘new shoes are feeling just fine…so much so, the ‘Imelda Marcos’ of South Florida has decided to come out…rather…clean out his closet!

Photo credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’

One thing the real Imelda never did; was something that made me proud of ‘The Little One’

Photo Credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’

When you give up something, it always comes back two-fold!

You see…We might have cancer, but cancer does not have us! 

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The Bow Tie Guy Tip of the Day:


The Bow Tie Guy Tip of the Day: Provide Red Carpet Treatment to everyone, not just a selected few! http://ow.ly/i/DpmR

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SunServe and The Purple Jacket: A Perfect Match


I am pleased to announce that ‘The Purple Jacket’ and ‘The Bow-Tie-Guy’ have joined the staff at SunServe Social Services in Fort Lauderdale, Florida  as the coordinator of Senior Services.     SunServe Social Services is the home of the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center .  Opening in 2004,  the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center   has been on the frontier for serving the needs of the LGBT senior community in South Florida.

The Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center has always had a special place in my heart as my close friend, Father Richard Orlando, was one of the first participants of the center when it first opened in 2004.     During his time at  Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center, Father Orlando excelled in all facets of his life.  The staff and participants at the center were a major part in providing Father Orlando with a beautiful “SunSet” to his life!

Having been away from Fort Lauderdale for four years and upon returning to Fort Lauderdale in March 2012, I was shocked, surprised and impressed to see the growth of  SunServe Social Services in such a short period of time.   SunServe  has grown into a comprehensive social service agency, offering a number of professional services to the LGBT Community in Fort Lauderdale including:

SunServe Social Services provides high quality, compassionate, and progressive care for all, including those in financial need, minorities, youth, seniors, families, and those with life-challenging physical or emotional conditions.  The growth of SunServe Social Services is a truly remarkable and is a testament to the entire staff.
 
Forging ahead with this collaboration is a  perfect fit for ‘The Purple Jacket’ and ‘The Bow-Tie-Guy’ as we continue to talk about the real-life issues and needs  of LGBT Aging, Health and Caregiving
SunServe Social Services is rolling out a telephone tree to call our LGBTQ neighbors in Broward County who may be homebound or would like to touch base with someone every day.  If you are in South Florida, I urge you to become active in this program.

You:  Would have to make a commitment to call your client once a day – at a specific time you both find convenient – to check on them, give them an update and share some news.

 You:  Would make a commitment to serve for 6 months at a time.

Yes, you can take a vacation but you will have to let your phone team leader know so another volunteer can cover your client.

Yes, you can go back north for the summer; you might decide to continue your calls from “Up North” or we can ask another volunteer to call for you.

Yes, we can utilize your services for the months that you are here.

Yes, there is a three-hour training that you need to attend on Saturday, May 19th from 10 – 1 PM at SunServe.

Yes, you can have more than one client.

Yes, you will have to keep a brief daily log and report to your telephone team captain once a month on how you are doing, how your client is doing and if any special situations have arisen.

Yes, you can refer friends into the program so they may receive calls.

If you are in Broward County and interested in participating , please call Andrew Forester at 954-764-5150 for a quick phone interview and to sign up for the training on Saturday, May 19 here at the SunServe Office.

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The Bow-Tie-Guy Tip of the Day


  Honor your past; but don’t live in it! 

Photo Credit: Free Digital Photos.com

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The Bow-Tie-Guy Tip of the day


Equality is a human right, not a privilege!

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‘In These Shoes Part II’


Photo credit: Wikipedia

Today we picked up “The Little One’s”  new shoes today  Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics.    Unfortunately, the first choice of shoes ‘The Little One’ selected, somehow was not available in a therapeutic model!  These Stilettos would make Bette Midler proud as she would be singing…”In These Shoes” once she laid eyes on these shoes!   

Photo credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’

As we arrived in the office of  Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics we were greeted by Shelley who assisted us last week with the fitting.  Shelley is great to work with, she pulls no punches, knows what she is talking about and has a care for all her clients.  It was a pleasure to work with her.

Within moments of sitting in the waiting room, the new shoes arrived and the Imelda Marcos of South Florida was back in his element.  Mindful of what Shelley mentioned last week that “these shoes” would feel a little ‘loose’ at first, ‘The Little One’ was quick to comment about just that!  “When I get a blister on the back of my foot from ‘These Shoes’ being loose, I will be back next week to show you!”   Of course, my laughing at this statement was is not the polite thing to do!

Shelley handled the comment with grace; by the time we were ready to leave, the Imelda Marcos of  South Florida had already had is eye out on another pair of shoes.  Should I have really have been surprised?   

The good folks at  Hanger really treated us well today.  There was a complete mix up with the co-pay, they admitted their error and allowed us to send in payment as we were under the impression that there was no funds due upon pick up of ‘These Shoes.’  Customer Service goes a long way in leaving a lasting impression on consumers.  I knew from my previous experience with Hanger that they were a model company whose mission is to help people lead a better life.   They proved it again today!  It goes without saying that when you are in the people business, you need to be about the people!  Hanger proved that again today.  And with that,  had one happy customer leaving their office today!

‘The Purple Jacket’

You see…we might have cancer, but cancer does not have us! 

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‘IN THESE SHOES?’


If you are a fan of Bette Midler you are probably aware of one of her (many) popular songs, one in particular is a favorite of mine…‘In These Shoes’. The lyrics are wonderful, funny and maybe a tad over the top for some. This favorite song of mine popped up yesterday while ‘The Little One’ was being fitted for diabetic shoes at Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics. (You might be familiar with the movie Dolphin Tail, the good folks at Hanger worked on this project, their work is quite moving as is this movie) They are a great company!

Having  experience in this procedure with Fr. Orlando a number of years ago, I have been gently bugging ‘The Little One’ to obtain a referral from his PCP for a pair of these diabetic and therapeutic shoes. Finally, our day for our custom fitting was Wednesday!

You might ask…’Why these shoes? It’s no secret that diabetics have an increased risk of developing foot problems. These custom-made therapeutic shoes offer support, relieve stress and strain on the foot and back while providing a better ‘walk’.  Watching “The Little One” walk over the past few months, I have grown concern with his balance and his foot ware. Asking him to change shoes, well…uh…hmm…change can be difficult, even with shoes.  (While the closet is full of shoes, some of them should really stay in the closet!)   Having these custom fitted shoes will only enhance his walking, while aiding him with better balance. Better balance means less chance of a fall.  I think you get the picture…

photo credit: Chris MacLellan

When the attendant noticed the shoes ‘The Little One’ was wearing…she said out loud…’You’re walking IN THESE SHOES’.  ———————————————————>

It was a jolt to the ‘Imelda Marcos‘ of South Florida; I mean these shoes are at least 20 years old!  Twenty years ago, ‘The Little One’ was stronger and could manage shoes like this which offered little or no support…but ohhhhh…forget safety, they do look marvelous!

Since we’ve been back in Florida, ‘The Little One’ has surprised me from time to time with ‘treasures’ like these shoes, which he has had in his possession for a long period of time.  Many of these ‘surprises’ have a story to them, or are connected to his partner Herman of 43 years.    It’s hard to just walk away from these treasures…. no matter how mundane I might think they might be.

 As the conversation with orthopedic professional continued, it was easier for ‘The Little One’ to hear and accept what he needed in foot wear for his own safety from a professional.  Always mindful of his safety and what is best for him, I also have to be careful not to over step my boundaries and ‘demand’ that he do something that he may not want to do.    You know the phrase…’you pick your battles.’ I knew that this  was one battle that would be won by the professional. (When it comes to personal safety, sometimes you do have to take a stand.)

As a caregiver, it is important for me to know as many resources as possible, yet we can’t know them all.  Having previous experience to build on, I was able to tell ‘The Little One’ that diabetic/therapeutic shoes are the only foot-ware covered by medicare   (You will need a referral from your PCP)  That opened the door for the referral and hence, he will have new shoes next week.  (To show his need, the orthopedic professional moved up his second appointment to next week because of his critical need for these shoes!)

The lesson of this story for me has to do more with how we see things that are important to us.  Shoes, trinkets, all of the collectibles, have a particular meaning to them.  We all have something in our possession that we can identify that has meaning to it.    We get attached to items for different reasons that are very personal, yet until you are IN THESE SHOES, who is it for us to tell someone to give up something that has meaning to it?

 One of the lyrics in Bette’s song is…”In these shoes? Oh, I doubt you’d survive.”  Bette is so right…In these shoes,  I doubt “The Little One” would he would have survived.  We can all survive and prosper when we are mindful of each other needs, react accordingly to those needs and care for those who cannot care for themselves.

When we care like that…we  can care in ‘ANY SHOES’

You see…we might have cancer; but cancer does not have us! 

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American Society on Aging


I am pleased to share with you my article that was published today with the American Society on Aging. There are five wonderful articles, along with an introduction from Holly Deni who helped collaborate this project;  Finding Pride in Caring: LGBT caregivers answer the call from the community  This link will take you to Holly’s introduction where you can see all the wonderful articles written by LGBT care givers. It is an honor to be associated with these fine people! ENJOY

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It’s More Than a Tree…


Never one to be a horticulturist, I am always intrigued by the variety of beautiful trees we have in this diverse country of ours.  Now that we are back in Florida, I am reminded about the beautiful foliage that Florida has to offer, especially the Palm Trees.  You really don’t get to see many Palm trees in St. Louis.

In Missouri, just like here in Florida, there is an abundance of pine trees.  In fact, we have a pine tree  in our yard where I am constantly picking up the pine cones that fall from the branches.
While picking one of the zillion or so pine cone, I noticed something at the base of the tree that caught my attention…

Intrigued by the green plastic sprouting out of the ground, I asked ‘The Little One’ to explain this phenomenon.  ( I did not know we could grow plastic in the ground and first thought that we might have come across the next great invention and I wanted to be sure we got the Patton on this discovery!)

“Herman planted that tree in 1976, that is the plastic bucket that the tree came in that is coming out of the ground.  Every time I see that tree, I think of Herman!”

WOW…talk about some powerful symbolism!   While Herman has been gone now for over 13 years, Herman’s tree grows tall and strong as a reminder to ‘The Little One” of a long and beautiful relationship.

Richard (a.k.a. ‘The Little One”) and Herman were together for 44 years and moved to Florida in 1976 before it was in vogue to move south.  Like us, there was an age difference between Herman and Richard.  And like us, Richard became Herman’s care giver:  funny how roles change in life when we age?

When Richard  cared for Herman, many of their friends came to help them with their daily task.  Herman often asked Richard…’What would I do without you?”

While caring for your love one or partner should be assumed, that is not always the case; especially for LGBT seniors.  According to SAGE USA  LGBT Seniors are:

  • Twice as Likely to Age as a Single Person
  • Twice as Likely to Live Alone
  • Three to four times less likely to have children to support them
The care giving needs for the LGBT senior community are enormous.  While society norms are (slowly) changing, many LGBT senior today are still living in fear, living in solitude, or afraid to reach out for help because of the fear and discrimination that they experienced when they grew up. However with programs like SAGE USA, The National Research Center on LGBT Aging : SunServe Social Service’s Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center just to name a few,  heighten the awareness of this critical issue in our society which will help foster change.
Often times, the LGBT community is portrayed in a negative light which only heightens our fear.  Richard and Herman were together 44  years…YES, 44 YEARS!  
As a former staff member at The Sunshine Cathedral, I had the pleasure to watching life partners celebrate 30, 40, 50 years together.  There are thousands upon thousands of LGBT couples across the world who celebrate long lasting relationships that often go unnoticed. Many of these couples prefer to go unnoticed and that is OK as personal privacy is important and should always be upheld.
While those positive  stories of love and commitment often go left unnoticed in the main stream media,  many  LGBT Seniors who live alone, or as a couple often times have to fend for themselves as they age because of society ‘norms’ because of their fears that they experienced in their youth.     Bullying just does not happen in High School.  How can we break this cycle,  when will we break this cycle of hate and fear?
Being 81 and growing up in Brooklyn and living in Manhattan, “The Little One”  knows a few things about society norms, hate, fear and the such.   He lived through Stonewall and beginning of the AIDS epidemic; he has  experienced discrimination;  he experienced the draft board and the gay issue in the 50’s.  All in all, he would tell you that the LGBT issues today are no different than they were in the 50’s; equality, marriage, children, the whole package.  For him, what is different today is that these issues are now out in the open and people are talking about them.
Now that people are talking about these issues, the next key ingredient is to have the policy makers listen so that we can foster change in our communities and in our society. Communication will foster change, change will foster opportunities for service and care for everyone.      We have to do a better job in getting the word and the need out in a calm and pragmatic way.  Unfortunately,   listening is often an overlooked  communication skill.
As partners we don’t need a piece of paper to secure  our love or commitment for each other; but as a LGBT couple, we  need that piece of paper to get into hospitals to visit our loved one, we need that piece of paper to get access to so many common, taken for granted services  that have a direct effect on our health and well-being.  This list is endless, yet the need is there, especially for those  seniors, (no matter what side of the fence your on) who have no one to care for them.   Could this really be right in America today?
Come to think about it, we do have that piece of paper…it’s in its natural  form as a tree!  

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A Word from The Little One


Tonight at dinner we were chatting about our blog as I have been asked to write an article for a national publication on Care-Givers and Care-Giving in April (more to come on that exciting news).  The Little One wanted me to share these words with you this evening…

“Thank you for reading ‘The Purple Jacket” I hope that in reading Chris’ account of my fight with esophagus cancer  that you don’t give up hope, share in the joy and comfort that you can reap from this wonderful thing, a dedicated caregiver. My siblings have pass on; not only is he my caregiver, he is my partner I would be all alone with out his dedication and love.  Even though cancer has struck me, for the second time, I find joy and compassion being with my partner and caregiver.  Go through life with a strong will, even at those darkest times, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.   Bernard Richard Schiffer 2.5.2012.

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