Tag Archives: LGBT Caregiving

January 13, 2015 · 6:00 pm

52 Years And Still Going Strong!

Join us on Wednesday January 14th at 7 pm EST on HealthCafeLive.com for an enlightening conversation with Bob Collier and Chuck Hunziker. What is so special about Bob and Chuck…EVERYTHING! Bob and Chuck are both veterans, pillars in their community and they just happen to be a couple celebrating 52 years together! Both in their 80’s, Bob and Chuck, never meant to be activists or plaintiffs in a lawsuit that would change Florida law, they just happen to be two people who want the world to be a better place for all of us to live. This is a couple who is creating ‘Healing Ties’ all around us!

Can’t listen live on Wednesday? NO Worries! Healing Ties radio is available on demand on iHeartRadio/HealingTies by clicking here!

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Tagged as LGBT, LGBT Caregivers, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Marriage Equality, Same-sex marriage

January 6, 2015 · 9:34 pm

It Would Have Been Awesome: But It Was!

“It Would Be Awesome To Get Married, Even If For One Day, Because It Would Solidify What We Already Know ” ~ Chris MacLellan November 2013

When the clock struck 12:00 am on Tuesday, January 6th in the State of Florida, same-sex marriage became the law of this fine state: Hooray I said! Of course there will be people appalled by this decision to grant equal rights under the protection of marriage; bully to them! I wonder about those who ‘worry’ about granting equal rights to same-sex couples through marriage? Do they need a ‘piece of paper’ to signify their love? We’ve heard the religious arguments, the family values arguments, heck, even heard that world might end if same-sex marriage became law. Last time I looked outside, the ground was still standing firm in this fine state of Florida.

Same sex couples have known for a zillion years that we do not need a ‘piece of paper’ to solidify our love; however that ‘piece of paper’ does solidify our equal rights. Bigotry and hatred, unfortunately, will always be around us, yet that ‘piece of paper’ provides clear protection to all couples who have been together, one day, or 50+ years. When you look closely into the laws, both federal and state, and see how laws are granted to those who are married, this ‘argument’ of marriage equality comes into perspective. As Americans, we do not often like to talk about death and dying, but all the rights granted by marriage are intertwined at the time of death. Did you know that in every state of the nation that the next of kin for an adult is a spouse! Until you’ve been denied the right to be with the one that you love at the time of death, or asked, ‘Who Are You’ by medical staff, or have been told, ‘your not next of kin’ after your partner has passed away, you never fully grasp the inequality.

Yes, this day is bitter-sweet for me: I’m sure I am not alone. Richard and I talked about getting married, and it would have been an awesome thing to do! I can’t imagine us getting married would have deepened our love, it just would have solidified what was already known! Yet I do hope our Caregiving story, In Sickness and In Health: A Couple’s Final Journey and what happened to us along the way as an unmarried couple, helped pave the way for this historic day in Florida. In some small way, I am sure that it did!

Yes, it would have been awesome to get married, but our life was awesome together, without that ‘piece of paper! It would have been awesome to gather our family and friends together for a ceremony, but heck, they all knew that we loved each other, that we were committed to each other, without that ‘piece of paper.’ As one of my sisters said to me today, “Heck, you two were everything to each other, but married.” She was so right, because, in the end, the only thing that matters is that love, care and commitment is the same for any two people who are committed to each other as one. Our ‘piece of paper’ was imprinted in our hearts.

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Florida, LGBT, LGBT Caregivers, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Marriage Equality, Same-sex marriage

July 30, 2014 · 7:16 pm

Day By Day: Grieving and Healing

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. C. S. Lewis.

Finding the energy to blog on The Purple Jacket has been difficult for me these past few months. Let’s face it, grieving can be a full-time ‘job’ which takes quite a bit of energy. But grieving can be healthy too. Today I experienced a form or healthy grieving by visiting Gold Coast Hospice where Richard made his life transition, to say hello to the staff and present them with gift as a token of my appreciation for the kindness and love that was demonstrated to us while we were both under their care. This visit had been planned in advance and while I was unsure of what my initial reaction would be, I knew that the staff would greet me warmly.

As I approached the Hospice unit, I was struck by the utter calmness that suddenly came upon me. My eyes immediately looked to the right as I entered the ward as Richard’s room was the first room on the right side entering the unit. As I walked past and looked in the room through the crack of the door, it seemed fitting that today, this room was vacant. Suddenly I heard, “He’s here” from the Hospice nurse who came to the house to admit Richard to the unit in March. I knew right then and there that this was going to be the right thing for me to do today!

Hugs, well wishes, great conversation and tears followed as we greeted each other and shared stories. Fittingly, we moved into ‘that room’ for my formal ‘Thank You’ to the staff. “As a part of my healing process, it was important for me to come here today to say hello, and to say ‘Thank You’ for allowing us to spend our last days together.” In the six days that we were in the hospice unit, there was not one time were I did not feel welcomed, all we felt during our stay was love…I wanted to return the favor!

“It is important for me to present you with a copy of a pictorial book which was given to me by the two great journalist from the Sun-Sentinel who followed us on our final journey together and wrote our story, “In Sickness and In Health: A Couple’s Final Journey” which was published in April.” More tears, more laughter, more love! And yes, I think it is possible to cry and be calm at the same time.

There are many books written on grieving, yet one thing is certain; grieving is an individual process that is unique to each one of us. In order for me to continue in the healing process, it was important for me to reach out and make this journey to the Hospice unit. You see, the pictorial book that was provided to me by Diane and Carline from the Sun-Sentinel is the best book on (my) grieving that I have read. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful, life-long gifts of this book, and the article in the Sun-Sentinel. By sharing the book with the Hospice staff, and subsequently, other families who come to the unit, was my way of giving back, saying thanks and continuing my grieving and healing process.

Life is much different now. There are more challenges ahead, yet in order to take on these challenges, I have to find a way to soften what has transpired. There is no easy way around grieving, it is important for me, in my grieving process, to simply just ‘own it.’ Today helped soften the anguish of missing him: May your grieving process be filled with few hills and always, a gentle breeze at your back.

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Tagged as Caregiving, Hospice, LGBT Caregiving, Sun-Sentinel

April 15, 2014 · 7:39 am

‘In Sickness and In Health’

Greetings Friends,

This past Sunday, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel published a story on Richard and me entitled ‘In Sickness & In Health’…(Click here for a link to the interactive story and video.) When we were approached to do this story, Richard and I thought long and hard about the thought of having two people follow us during some of our most intimate times in our life. Not that our story is any different from those countless number of caregivers out there, however, we both felt that telling the story from the prospective of a LGBT couple would demonstrate that its OK to love who you love.

Now, almost three full days since the article has been published, I am overwhelmed by the support that this article has generated and felt compelled to thank Diane Lade and Carline Jean from the Sun-Sentinel for telling our story is such a beautiful way.

Since ‘TLO’ made his life transition on March 9th, I have spent quite a bit of time listening to a CD entitled “Love Changes Everything” recorded and produced while I as a member of The Gateway Men’s Chorus in 2010. At ‘TLO’ memorial service last week in Fort Lauderdale, I used three songs in this CD as part of his celebration of life. Things That Never Die; Rise Above The Walls; and Somewhere Over The Rainbow. If time would have permitted, I would have also played, In Whatever Time We Have, Who Will Love Me As I Am and Webber Love Trio. I plan to incorporate these songs into TLO’s Celebration of Life service in St. Louis on Sunday April 27.

In one of my last blog post before TLO made is life transition, ‘Approaching The Final Destination’, I wrote, “Cancer is not the winner here, Love is the winner!” Now after reading all the comments on-line and emails that I have received, along with the many phone calls that have come in, I now know why I started to listening again to the CD from the Gateway Men’s Chorus, because “Love Change Everything!”

Click here to read our story and see our video:

In Sickness and in Health: A Couple’s Final Journey

Photos and video by Carline Jean

Story by Diane C. Lade

You see…We might of had Cancer, but Cancer never ever had us…we had love!

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Tagged as Caregiver, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, Sun-Sentinel

February 6, 2014 · 11:07 am

Thursday’s are always ‘Hug A Family Caregiver Day!’

Sometimes All A Person Needs Is A Hand To Hold And A Heart to Understand!

Caregiving can sometimes be hard…

…But Hugging a Family Caregiver is easy!

Be on the look out for my new radio show, “Healing Ties” from ‘The Bow Tie Guy”

Caregivers: Sink Your Teeth Into Dental Hygiene! (thepurplejacket.com)
Rising Alzheimer’s creates strain on caregivers (bigstory.ap.org)
10 Tips for Caregivers Caring for those with Epilepsy (caregiving.com)
That’s What Caregivers Do! (thepurplejacket.com)
Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
Progressive Holiday Blog Party with Caregiving.com (thepurplejacket.com)

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Tagged as Caregiver, Caregiving, Family caregivers, LGBT Caregiving

February 2, 2014 · 1:13 pm

More Cancer: More Radiation

If You Are Out To Describe The Truth, Leave Elegance To The Tailor ~ Albert Einstein

The pain has been severe; the long sleepless hours have been agony, but now we know the truth behind the pain, we know the truth that is causing those sleepless days. More Cancer: More Radiation.

When the MRI results came in on Thursday, our fears became our reality; “It’s good that we know what we are dealing with” I said to TLO; “Yes, as difficult as this news is to hear, it is better to know” TLO responded. In the back of our minds, we both knew that this was not a case of sciatica.

The cancer has moved to his hip, pelvis and down his right leg. In order to relieve his pain, we will start palliative radiation treatments immediately. We are considering a PET scan to determine where else the cancer might be in his body, yet how much more do we really want to know?

There is comfort in holding each other and having a good cry.

One thing that we have decided is that we are going to enjoy every day together. We will not let the cancer rule us because as Saint Augustine said, “Love Is The Beauty Of The Soul.”

It is at these times when the dual role of Caregiver and Partner intertwine. The fate of reality projects our thoughts to a future which has not arrived. You want the pain to go away; nothing more, nothing less. Removing the Caregiving role provides for more free time yet losing a partner leaves an emptiness that only makes free time more difficult.

As Caregivers, we often fail to reach out and ask for help. Those reasons vary from wanting to do it alone, to not knowing how to ask for help. With that, family and friends have to have their own comfort zone when asking what they can do to help. I have been on both sides of this dilemma. The most important part of this process is to be aware and act within one’s comfort zone.

If you are wondering what you might be able to do, please feel free to:

Call us
Write us
Text us
Visit us
Pray for us
Do what makes YOU most comfortable

TLO and I understand that we have a difficult road ahead, but that is OK because we know the truth and we can deal with it accordingly. The quick response from his primary care physician and radiation oncologist to have his treatment plan set up within 24 hours has simply amazed us. We are so fortunate to have Dr. Starcevic and Dr. Medina on our Care Team.

It goes without saying how fortunate we are to have each and everyone one of you with us on this journey because…

We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

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Tagged as advocacy, Caregiver, Family Caregiver, Health, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, The Bow-Tie-Guy

January 9, 2014 · 8:30 am

Thursday’s are always ‘Hug A Family Caregiver Day!’

Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul ~Democritus.

Caregiving can sometimes be hard…

…But Hugging a Family Caregiver is easy!

Be on the look out for my new radio show, “Healing Ties” from ‘The Bow Tie Guy”

Caregivers: Sink Your Teeth Into Dental Hygiene! (thepurplejacket.com)
Rising Alzheimer’s creates strain on caregivers (bigstory.ap.org)
10 Tips for Caregivers Caring for those with Epilepsy (caregiving.com)
That’s What Caregivers Do! (thepurplejacket.com)
Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
Progressive Holiday Blog Party with Caregiving.com (thepurplejacket.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Caregiver, Caregiving, Family caregivers, LGBT Caregiving

December 12, 2013 · 10:30 am

Thursday’s are always ‘Hug A Caregiver Day!’

You must do things that you think that you cannot do ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Caregiving can sometimes be hard:

But Hugging a Caregiver is easy!

Listen to:

‘”Be A Healthy Caregiver” is on hiatus while “TLO” is undergoing radiation treatments. We plan on being back on the Air in January!

Can’t listen live…NO WORRIES!

All of our episodes of ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ are archived for your listening convenience by clicking here!

Caregivers: Sink Your Teeth Into Dental Hygiene! (thepurplejacket.com)
Rising Alzheimer’s creates strain on caregivers (bigstory.ap.org)
10 Tips for Caregivers Caring for those with Epilepsy (caregiving.com)
That’s What Caregivers Do! (thepurplejacket.com)
Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
Progressive Holiday Blog Party with Caregiving.com (thepurplejacket.com)

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Tagged as Caregiver, Caregiving, Family caregivers, LGBT Caregiving

December 12, 2013 · 9:30 am

The Second Time Around

The only source of knowledge is experience ~ Albert Einstein

It has taken me a couple of days to wrap myself around the fact that TLO started Adult Day Care this week. We have chatted about this option for a number of weeks, but to have this day come to reality, really hit home for both of us on Tuesday when we got in the car and motored our way down to the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center.

Herman and TLO; Circa 1998

We both have had previous experienced Adult Day Care, so we were coming from the knowledge of experience, yet that knowledge was just about to turn into our reality as we headed south on highway 95. “Herman wouldn’t go to Day Care; I finally asked him to at least go for a week, to test it out, to give it a try, to at least help me out” TLO said! “I guess that is exactly what we are doing today, too!” I responded! (It has to be that knowledge and experience thing!)

TLO and Michael Norfleet, Agency Director

As we arrived at the center, we were greeted warmly by the staff and the participants. It wasn’t too long before the agency’s director, Michael Norfleet came to meet us, we chatted for a bit and then before I knew it, they were both sitting in the lounge chairs, chatting up a storm. It was then that I knew that the day was on…and time for me to make my quick exit! It was also then when they day actually hit me square in the eye and I started to cry.

I have no doubt that the McArtor Center is the best place for both of us. Established in 2004, The McArtor Center focus is to meet the needs of the LGBT community in Broward County, Florida and the center is the first of its kind! In the LGBT community, many seniors in need of daytime or respite care have no option but to attend day care programs that are not open to, and understanding of the special relationships and needs of gay and lesbian seniors. The Noble A. McArtor Center was founded by an extraordinary team of individuals whose vision created a safe, open and home-like atmosphere for all seniors and their caregivers to enjoy, regardless, and supportive of any sexual orientation or identification, race, age, gender, religion or economic level.

Fr Orlando celebrates his 58th anniversary of his ordination at the Center 2005. Helen and Sonia remain good friends of mine today!

Yet, there is more to the history… More to the knowledge… More to our experience… And more to our story! Father Orlando’s was one of the first participants to attend the McArtor Center in 2004. Upon his arrival in Florida in July of 2004, we both agreed that we would need Day Care to help us manage our days. I was a very ‘green’ Caregiver at that time! I remember coming across the center in a newspaper article and was hooked on the first visit. Then I remember what Fr. Orlando said to me on our first day…”I’ll give it a try for a few days to see how I like it!” Whew, did that sound familiar!

He, well…we…never regretted one day of our stay at the center and in fact, the socialization and positive attention that Fr. Orlando received at the center, revived his life and his ministry, which aided him (and me) when he made his peaceful life transition in 2006. Now looking back almost 10 years, it is amazing to have come full cycle and return to the center. The staff is different, the participants are different, but there is one thing that is the same, unconditional love!

Of course, I don’t know what the future holds for us. Now two plus weeks past his radiation treatments, TLO is slowly starting the healing process. It is going to be an uphill struggle. My guess is that the healing process is only going to be aided by the unconditional love demonstrated to us by the staff at the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center because as Albert Einstein said: “the only source of knowledge is experience! “

You see…We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

Christopher MacLellan is a Certified Senior Advisor, the coordinator of senior services for SunServe Social Services and the host of ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio. ©ThePurpleJacket

DTC marketers can’t forget caregivers (worldofdtcmarketing.com)
Health and Human Services: ‘LGBT people have been denied the compassionate services they deserve. That is now changing’ (miamiherald.typepad.com)
‘Pride comes in all ages’: AARP launches website for LGBT seniors, www.aarp.org/pride (miamiherald.typepad.com)
Aging LGBT community often forced back into the closet (yakimaherald.com)
Documentary ‘Gen Silent’ raises question: Do LGBT seniors need to go back in the closet (miamiherald.typepad.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Broward County Florida, Caregivers, Health, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Respite care

December 8, 2013 · 9:40 am

Progressive Holiday Blog Party with Caregiving.com

Welcome to the Progressive Holiday Blog Party 2013

Greetings! ‘The Purple Jacket’ pleased to join the 2013 Progressive Holiday Blog Party with the wonderful members of Caregiving.com. The Community at Caregiving.com is like having an extended family; I am proud to be a part of this wonderful group!

I graduated from radiation!

For those first time visitors to ‘The Purple Jacket’ welcome and Thank You for stopping by! I blog about my Caregiving experience for my partner, who I loving refer to as ‘The Little One.’ He was diagnosed with esophagus cancer in August of 2011. Given three to four months to live, he has outlived all predictions. Yet in October of 2013, Cancer has returned to ‘The Little One’ with a vengeance as he was diagnosed with Cancer on the spine. With three tumors on his spine; ‘The Little One’ just recently completed 30 radiation treatments. For the most part, he is pain-free at the moment, my that continue!

While each one of us deals with the reality of cancer in a different way, each one of us wants to look on the bright side of life. Yesterday is gone, today is here, not sure about tomorrow. It is our hope that lets us withstand problems; it is our beliefs that let us find solutions.

I have been blogging here and at Caregiving.com for almost two years now. The Caregivers I have met along the way have become a part of our family. While our Caregiving journey’s might be different, Caregivers have this innate ability to understand each other, to be there for each other, to care for each other.

Things that I am looking forward to in 2014:

My Blog Talk Radio Show, ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ has been on hiatus since October, but will be back on the air in January with a new title, ‘Healing Ties.’ You can visit my Blog Talk Radio page and listen to archived versions of the show by clicking here!

I will be (returning) to studying Theology at St. Joseph’s College in Standish, Maine with the intent to finish my Thesis, ‘The Social Sin of Geriatric Care in America.”

I hope we do another CareCruise in 2014!

To learn more about me, I invite you to visit my ‘about page’ on my website by clicking here.