Tag Archives: Caregiving

November 14, 2012 · 7:25 pm

Remember…Blame the Disease, Not The Caree!

When I was a kid, one of my favorite roller coasters was the Zephyr at the old Pontchartrain Beach amusement park in New Orléans. Those steep curves and big drops were exhilarating, especially when the car made the turn to come back to the station ― when for a moment you thought that you were going to fly into Lake Pontchartrain only to feel the car make that big pull to the left at the last second and head back to home base. They do not make Roller Coasters like that anymore!

Being a caregiver at times is like riding a roller coaster: up the hill, down the hill, swaying through the curves that Caregiving brings to us on a daily basis. I know I must have ridden the Zephyr over a 100 times in my life, so I knew what to expect and could anticipate the bumps and curves as the car sped down the track.

Caregiving can change at a moment’s notice and… without any warning. When your anxiety heightens, that is precisely the time when you have to be calm in the presence of your caree. All of a sudden, those steep curves look ominous; those hills become daunting.

When your caree lashes out at you, take a step back and assess the situation; more times than not, it is the disease talking, not the caree.
Be attentive, not condescending.
Be proactive, not reactive.
As a caregiver, remember you are not the one who is sick.

‘The Little One’ taught me this lesson as he related stories of being a caregiver for his partner Herman who passed away in 1999 from Alzheimer’s. “As mad as I would get with Herman, I had to remind myself that it was the disease talking and not the man who I had known for 43 years.” Over the last 48 hours, I have been reminded of this story quite a number of times as we are currently in the mist of change with ‘The Little One’s’ health. We never know when the tumor is going to act up, but when it does, it takes its toll. We are hoping that ‘this roller coaster’ gets back on track and pulls into the station .

When riding the Zephyr I could anticipate the bumps and curves on the track, and I knew that I would always end up back at the station; however our health and well-being is not so predictable. So when those bad days surface, we both take comfort in knowing that it is the disease, not the person. Mindful that the person you love and care for, will always be inside your heart no matter what is inside their body.

You see…We Might Have Cancer…

But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiving, esophagus cancer, Lake Pontchartrain, LGBT Seniors, New Orleans, Pontchartrain Beach, Recreation, Roller coaster

November 12, 2012 · 12:05 pm

The Telikin PC for the ‘The Little One’

When we decided to start looking for a new computer for ‘The Little One’ it was my goal to find a product that was user-friendly and with little maintenance. I know you must think that I was dreaming! Yet I was delightfully surprised when I learned of a computer that was specifically designed for seniors; the Telikin computer.

Telikin is the easy to use, all in one, touchscreen computer designed with seniors in mind. Some seniors have never become familiar with computer technology and may be intimidated by computers and/or reluctant to use one. This results in a segment of the population being left out in an increasingly technological world.

We are not ‘high-tech‘ people, we are more ‘user friendly’ and that is exactly what Telikin offers to us. We have tried laptops, we have tried connecting the PC to the large screen TV; Tablet’s well, forget about that as ‘The Little One’ tells me “the screen is too small on those things”, he will have nothing of them! Because of its easy access to the programs that are important to ‘The Little One’, Telikin seems to be a perfect fit for his computer needs.

‘The Little One’ at the Telikin Computer

“The Little One’ at the Telikin Computer

‘The Little One’ at the Telikin Computer

Coming from the caregiver’s point of view, I am constantly searching for items that have a positive impact for ‘The Little One.’ I know that I have found it with the Telikin Computer when he said, “This is really easy to use, I can find my favorite programs just by touching the screen. I am a computer illiterate and this computer opens me up to the 21st century; I find it very easy to use.” For those who know ‘The Little One’, you know compliments from him are sometime hard to come by; I am astonished!

What has impressed me about the Telikin PC was the ease of the set up and how quickly I was able to connect the computer to my wireless network. The computer is user-friendly and easy to maneuver. When it comes to technology and computers, each one of us has different skill levels, what often frustrates people is when something that can appear to be easy, becomes hard. That is not the case with our Telikin Computer; as easy as it was to set up the computer, it was just as easy to get ‘The Little One’ up and running on the device. Of course, those wonderful video instructions were a big help too!

I will leave it to the ‘tech geeks’ to talk about the amount of memory and all ‘that behind the screen stuff ‘ that geeks like to talk about. (By the way, the amount of memory is more than sufficient!) As a caregiver, I want to surround myself with an excellent team to help in the Caregiving process. The computer provides a sense of independence for ‘The Little One’ and many other seniors like him. In essence, the computer is a part of our Caregiving team. As a Caregiver I feel like I am partnering with a company that is focused and understands the needs of seniors, not just another computer company. Telikin understands what we are going through as caregivers and has developed a product that far exceeded my expectation.

I invited you to visit the Telikin senior computer website for more information.

You see…We might have Cancer…but Cancer Does Not Have Us!

The Telikin Brings Computers to the Masses (geardiary.com)
Telikin Touch-PC targets the gray dollar (gizmag.com)
Telikin Partners with firstSTREET to Market the Industry’s Most User-Friendly Home Computer for Baby Boomers and Beyond (prweb.com)
CareConnect Brings Award-Winning Telikin Touch Screen Computers to Senior Living (prweb.com)
‘I Do Not Need Any Help…I Have A StepLadder!’ (thepurplejacket.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Personal computer, Philadelphia

October 29, 2012 · 7:10 pm

Be A Healthy Caregiver on Blog Talk Radio

Join Chris MacLellan ‘The Bow Tie Guy’ on Tuesday at 1:00pm (est) for ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio with special guest Patrick Cavanaugh from Broward County Elderly and Veterans Services in Broward County Florida

Substance abuse is an issue that is not often discussed as it relates to our senior community. Join us for a friendly conversation with Patrick Cavanaugh with Broward County Elderly and Veterans Services Prevention Program as we discuss substance abuse issues relating to seniors and caregivers.

The Prevention Program activities are directed at older adults 55 years and older. Some are provided to at-risk elders, primarily those experiencing mental health and/or emotional problems, caregivers and the general public. Mr. Cavanaugh interacts and/or provides direct services to older adults in an effort to comprehensively address older adult substance abuse in an integrated manner. Over one thousand consumers per year participate in these services.

You’ll enjoy Mr. Cavanagh’s upbeat and positive attitude, this is someone who really enjoys his work!

Click here to join the show scheduled for Tuesday October 30th at 1:00pm

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Blog Talk Radio, Bow Tie Guy, Broward County Florida, Caregiver, Caregiving, Florida, mental-health, Patrick Cavanaugh, SunServe Social Service

September 29, 2012 · 4:42 pm

‘I Do Not Need Any Help…I Have A StepLadder!’

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. Buddha

As Caregivers, more often than not, we pay better attention to the health and well-being of our caree rather than to ourselves; It just goes with the territory. Just the other day, I found ‘The Little One’ pulling out the stepladder to use to reach the upper cabinets (after all he is 5’5”) in our kitchen. Being the over protective caregiver that I am, I immediately balked at his use of the ladder. “What are you doing,” I said! “What does it look like I am doing, putting away the groceries.” He responded. “Not with that ladder you’re not.” The conversation deteriorated from there…

Safety is a big concern for all of us. One harmless fall can put an entire series of health concerns into play. Yet there is a delicate balance between independence and common sense.

Dr. Starcevic with ‘The Little One’

On Friday, ‘The Little One’ had his quarterly check up with his primary care physician, Dr. Starcevic. Dr. Starcevic continues to be amazed at ‘The Little One’s’ progress and stated…”We should review the pathology report because this is truly amazing!” I was gratified when she spoke about how important I was in the progress that he has made over the past year. Of course, he agreed with her 100%. This conversation really helped boost my ego and confidence.

‘The Little One’ highly respects Dr. Starcevic, and I do too. When ‘The Little One’ was in the middle of his chemo and radiation treatments last year, she was the one who determined that he needed to be in the hospital. Not only did she have him admitted, she put him in a wheel chair and took him to the hospital herself! We will never forget that act of kindness on her part.

The Famous Stepladder

During the conversation with Dr. Starcevic, ‘The Little One’ mentioned that he is “extra careful when he walks because he does not want to fall down and break a hip.” As I listened attentively to his words, I could not resist jumping in. “Why don’t you tell Dr. Starcevic how you like to get on stepladders, “ I said! They both turned to me (with different expressions on their face of course) at the same time: then the real conversation ensued about ‘The Little One’s’ safety. The conversation was lively and to the point; it is harder for ‘The Little One’ to dispute Dr. Starcevic than it is me!

Every caregiver wants to ensure that their caree is 100% safe. While I know I cannot be at home 24/7, I also know that I cannot control what ‘The Little One’ does when I am not home. (Like I can really control him when I am at home!) I can hear ‘The Little One’ saying, ‘I can put those cans on that top shelf, I’ve been doing it this way my entire life;’ I get that response and respect it too.

Even as we age, each one of us has that indestructible opinion of ourselves. We do not want to lose our independence, but we also do not want to lose our independence through a fall that is preventable. Sometimes we just need a different messenger, and sometimes we have to realize that our message needs to be tapered. In this case, we learned the meaning of both. Thank goodness for the wonderful work of Dr. Starcevic!

You see…We might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!

What A Difference A Year Makes (thepurplejacket.com)
The ‘Price’ of CareGiving (thepurplejacket.com)
Ladder Safety (Ol’ Farts Beware) (swittersb.wordpress.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiving, Gay Seniors, Health, LGBT Caregivers, LGBT Seniors, Safety

September 18, 2012 · 10:13 am

“I’m between 81 and Death!”

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
Mahatma Gandhi

We are three weeks into our FitPass program with Caregiving.com and the group is progressing along just fine. There are so many reasons why we put on weight; stress, poor choices, not seeing food as fuel is just a few of the topics that come up during our FitPass discussions on Monday night. While I have a long way to go in order to sort out why I have put on weight, I am pleased with the loss of 8lbs since we’ve started this program.

It just so happened that the ‘The Little One‘ had his own discussion on health and fitness with a nurse who came to visit him on Monday in our home. This visit was a courtesy of one of the many programs that his insurance plan has for him in Florida. (Hence another reason to be here full-time) While I missed the visit today, I certainly heard about it during our dinner conversation.

“I was given all these instructions on what I should be eating and how I should be eating. While I appreciated the concern and the information I was given, I just looked at her and said...I’m between 81 and death, at this point in my life and what I have been through this past year, what difference does it really make what I eat?” I’m sure he said this in a polite tone.

I mentioned ‘The Little One’s conversation this evening during our FitPass conference call and made the comment, “I’m the one who should have had that conversation today as it is my eating habits and fitness that is out of whack.”

The common denominator here is simple, it is about the perception of one’s quality of life.

‘The Little One’ can never be accused of not having a realistic view of his condition. Yesterday is gone — today is here — not sure about tomorrow. He has admirably lived by this motto for quite some time now. (Remember, he was given 3-4 months to live last October!) Like many people who are diagnosed with a life threatening illness, it’s not uncommon for a conversation to take place about Quality of Life. Quality of Life will have a different meaning for each one each of us. ‘The Little One’ has outlived everyone’s expectations; he is cognizant of what quality of life means to him. Who is it for anyone else to argue with him on this point? At this time in his life, eating one less scoop of ice cream or having one less helping of milk chocolate raisins is not going to do anything for him other than deprive him of a pleasure. I’d say ‘go for it and enjoy!’

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The more I thought about his visit with the nurse, and the more I talked about it with our FitPass group, I realized that I have lost sight of what quality of life means to me. You see, as a Caregiver we get so wrapped up in the needs of our caree, we often forget about our own needs. That extra scoop of ice cream sure feels good when you’ve had a stressful day of Caregiving, work, life etc. However, that does not mean you have to have that extra scoop of ice cream every night!

Photo Credit: Wayne Dyer

In order to make healthy choices, we have to be aware of our options. With that, we have to recognize and own what quality of life means to us as an individual . For ‘The Little One’ that extra scoop of ice cream signifies an accomplishment and truly is a part of his quality of life; he has earned it! For me, my quality of life can not be tied solely to his, for in that, I lose my sense of self. (I.e. Weight Gain) How can I be a good caregiver if I am not taking care of myself?

While the nurse that visited our home on Monday was not there to see me, in reality the message she left…was solely for me!

You see…We might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!

Nurses examine caregiver grief (eurekalert.org)
Improving quality-of-life may help cancer patients: Study (todayonline.com)
Quality-of-life program may help cancer patients – Reuters (drugstoresource.wordpress.com)
Occupational Therapy: Get Back to Life After Stroke (everydayhealth.com)
The Weight of the Matter (thepurplejacket.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Be A Healthy Caregiver, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Caregiving, Caregiving.com, Gay Seniors, LGBT Caregivers, Quality of life

August 26, 2012 · 1:28 pm

The ‘Price’ of CareGiving

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa

As Caregivers we are often put in a position where we have to choose between what’s good for our self and what is good for the person for whom we are caring. If you are a caregiver like me (and I bet you are), you are always putting the needs of your caree first. Placing someones else’s needs in front of your own can be difficult for some people to understand; but not for the caregiver! In our me first society, and in many business circles, decisions like this are frowned on and often not understood.

To be a healthy caregiver, we have to learn how to live life in the solutions of our Caregiving experience; not solely in the problems of our Caregiving experience. By living a life focused on solutions, we live our life with clarity, hope and love. Focusing solely on problems, we live in fear, worry and despair. Focusing on solutions is not only a healthy mindset for caregivers, it is a healthy mindset for everyone.

I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. After almost 10 years of Caregiving, I started to focus more on the problem, not the solutions. By focusing only on the problems, I lost myself and just created more problems in return. Losing yourself complicates Caregiving. While the love for your caree is strong and sealed, you have to love yourself first in order to solidify your inner peace and purpose. Your life can’t be that of your caree!

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The price of Caregiving is not fixed, it is different for everyone. But if you don’t recognize the personal cost in Caregiving, you can lose yourself in the process, and that cost is priceless. What are the signs of losing yourself: weight gain, loss of focus/clarity, financial stress, spiritual uncertainty, your own purpose, professional satisfaction, detachment just to name a few.

For people who care, this is a conundrum. We are always asking ourselves…”Did I do enough; could I have done something different.”

Yet what we might ask ourselves is…

Are we always looking at the problem, and not the solution?

While I do not intend to lose focus on the care of ‘The Little One’, I am starting to refocus on caring for myself. This has been a revelation of sorts because ‘The Little One’ has been asking me (telling, demanding, requesting, you get the picture) to take better care of myself. Yet immersed in this care and unwilling to listen, reality has come full force. How can I be a good caregiver, if I can’t take better care of myself?

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

It’s simple:

Eat Less… Move More

Focus on Solutions…Not Problems

Never quit caring… Especially for yourself

You see…We might have Cancer…

but Cancer does not have us!

Can You Be a Healthy Caregiver? (thepurplejacket.com)
Tell Us: What’s the Worst Caregiving Advice You’ve Received? (caregiving.com)
Why I Support AB 2039 (caregiving.com)
6 Ways to Make Caregiving & Dating Go Together (aarp.org)
NBC Highlights Caregiving Campaign – And My Family! (aarp.org)
New ad campaign portrays caregivers’ call for help (babyboomersandmore.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Caregiving, Health, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Mother Teresa, Senior Health

August 3, 2012 · 9:52 am

Gen-Silent in Fort Lauderdale

On Borrowed Time?

I decided to try something different this evening with my blog post… I am using Dragon Naturally Speaking to post my blog this evening. I have come to the realization that I am much better at speaking than I am at typing: this just might be a better way for me to communicate my thoughts, feelings and emotions as I moved forward with ‘The Purple Jacket.” So far so good!

Jewish Halo

This past week, The Little One had his appointment with the oncologist. What was amazing about this appointment was that I did not feel the need, nor did I have the time to go to the appointment with him. Now the ‘Mother Hen’ in me worried all morning about the whereabouts of “The Little One” yet I knew deep down inside me that could handle the oncologist, handle the drive down to the office and be independent. He did not get to be 81 without some form of independence!

Just as is the primary care doctor was encouraged at his progress, so was the oncologist. It just so happens that the oncologist and the primary care doctor share the same office space; this convenient for sharing information between staff and doctors. The other benefit of this location in that the chemotherapy treatments is on the site, too! This setup has made easier, not only for “The Little One”, but for all the patients that these physicians see on a regular basis.

The oncologist continued to spread good cheer, good health and well-being for “The Little One.” As I mentioned in my last blog post, the oncologist had projected 3 or 4 months to live after the initial diagnosis and subsequent treatments. While he is pleased to be proven wrong, statistically speaking, the cure rate for esophageal cancer is one of the lowest there is. If we are going solely by the book, then 3 to 4 months is correct.

It is understandable why a diagnosis like this would be attached to such a short lifespan. That being said, we forged ahead mindful of the pitfalls, yet striving for the best possible results. We never want to rule out hope!

I guess what amazes me the most about this visit to the oncologist is not the fact that we all recognize that the little one has far exceeded anyone’s expectations; it’s why is the doctor felt like he has to end this positive visit with the words…”You know you’re on borrowed time!”

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Granted I was not there for this conversation, and I have no reason to doubt what “The Little One” has told me in regards to this conversation. Yet, I am not sure what the purpose of comments like this does for a patient, for a caregiver or for the physician themselves? Throughout this whole ordeal, we have taken a positive approach to dealing with the effects of cancer. We could sulked, we could have played the blame game, we could have gone into denial… However, what good would that have done for either one of us? That’s just like saying…”you know we’re on borrowed time.”

I do not claim to be a doctor, I do not claim to be a clinician, but I do believe that I understand how a positive outlook and healthy communication can have a soothing and healing effect on the mind, on the body, and of the spirit when dealing with critical health issues. When you think about it, we are all on borrowed time, yet does a cancer patient really need to be reminded of that?

Photo Credit: Pinterst

The healing power of body, mind and spirit plays such an important role in overcoming physical (and mental) illness. To use a sports metaphor, the best defense is usually a good offense. The best way to deal with a diagnosis of cancer is to be as realistic and honest as possible. Our best offense was to plunge full force When I look at this comment from the oncologist in this light, I can understand it. Yet to presuppose a diagnosis without the addition of hope, only leads us to despair. Reality is painful enough, more so without the effects of hope!

Sometimes Just Being There is all we need

Through this experience, I am convinced that one of the key tools in transmitting hope and reality, is the ability to be an empathetic communicator. Calmly… Empathy transmits hope and reality. I don’t think that there is anymore that we can ask for when dealing with the stark reality of Cancer or any other disabling illness.

You see…We Might Have Cancer…But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

Photo Credit: ‘The Bow-Tie-Guy”