Tag Archives: LGBT Seniors

December 19, 2013 · 8:30 am

Thursday’s are always ‘Hug A Caregiver Day!’

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it. ~ Mother Teresa

Give the gift that keeps on giving…Give a Caregiver a Holiday Hug this year!

Remember… Caregiving can sometimes be hard…But Hugging a Caregiver is easy!

Be on the look out for my new radio show in January called…”Healing Ties ” from

Caregivers: Sink Your Teeth Into Dental Hygiene! (thepurplejacket.com)
Rising Alzheimer’s creates strain on caregivers (bigstory.ap.org)
10 Tips for Caregivers Caring for those with Epilepsy (caregiving.com)
That’s What Caregivers Do! (thepurplejacket.com)
Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
It’s Never Too Late To Start Over (thepurplejacket.com)
Progressive Holiday Blog Party with Caregiving.com (thepurplejacket.com)
Shield HealthCare Announces Caregiver Story Contest Winners (sacbee.com)
How Employers Can Help Their Caregiving Employees (caregiving.com)
Caregivers: Choose the Right Car for the Job (allstate.com)

Music Is The Best Medicine

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain! ~ Bob Marley

My first experience with music therapy was when I was completing a unit of clinical pastoral education with hospice way back in 2003. The positive impression that was left on me from that experience is still prevalent today. So when the phone rang the other day from a good friend from St. Louis alerting me that a violinist wanted to come to the house and play for ‘TLO,’ I jumped at the opportunity.

One of ‘TLO’ great love, is music. Growing up in New York, and living in Manhattan, TLO loved going to Broadway shows while enjoying the Arts and Culture that the city that never sleeps has to offer. Thinking about a game of trivia that is focused on Broadway shows and opera, you will want ‘TLO’ on your team! I have had the pleasure of watching him stump some of the great minds in music when a question or two would come up about a particular production or piece of music. I know my place when the conversation turns to Broadway, opera and music.

One of the frustrating aspects for ‘TLO’ during his recent bout with cancer and the subsequent radiation treatments has been his lack of interests in some of his favorite hobbies, especially music. Always one to turn the Bose stereo on high to listen to one of his collections of CD’s, ‘TLO’ has not had any interest in listening to his music for quite some time now. However the opportunity to have someone play live for ‘TLO’ was just too good to pass up, even if the logistics were a nightmare. Even with last-minute notice, I was going to do my best to make this happen.

Caregivers will certainly understand how frustrating multi-tasking and juggling schedules can be while trying to make multiple things happen at once. That was my plight when this kind offer came in for ‘TLO.’ With 70 coming to our monthly Silver Serve luncheon on the same day the violinist wanted to come to our home, the window of opportunity was short in order to make this ‘concert’ happen. However, we solved the logistic problem by inviting the violinist to meet us at the Silver Serve Luncheon where not only did the Violinist play for “TLO,” he wowed the entire group with his splendid violin music. It was a win/win for everyone!

Those who know ‘TLO’ well know that he is not shy about sharing his opinion, in fact, I have often wondered why he never was a critic for the New York Times! Yet this one-act of kindness simply bowled him over. “I have to admit that I really enjoyed the violinist: That was so kind of him to play for me” TLO said. “I was pretty amazed too,” I responded

Kindness comes in a variety of ways. Our friend Bob in St. Louis knew that ‘TLO’ would enjoy a ‘private’ concert. Bob connected us with Joshi; Using his gift and talent in music, Joshi (who was visiting from Boston) went out of his way to bring a sense of happiness and joy to a man whom he had never met. “I understand your partner is ill with cancer, I want to come to your home and play music for him so that he might feel better,” Yoshi said to me on the phone that morning. I will never forget his initial phone call!

Yoshi’s random act of kindness reminded me how important it is for all of us to share our talents with each other. It is so easy to get caught up in the emotion of our Caregiving experience that when something that is so unexpected happens to us, we are caught off guard. I’m not sure we will ever cross paths with Joshi again, yet I do know that he has left an impression on us that will last a lifetime.

Because in the end, only kindness matters!

You see, We might have Cancer But Cancer does not have us!

5 Ways Music can Relieve Stress (stress.answers.com)
Because music can do so much more (notesandpawsforpeople.wordpress.com)
Five Scenarios Where Music Therapy for Stress Helps (stress.answers.com)
What is Music Therapy? (hannahtheveganzombie.wordpress.com)

The Second Time Around

The only source of knowledge is experience ~ Albert Einstein

It has taken me a couple of days to wrap myself around the fact that TLO started Adult Day Care this week. We have chatted about this option for a number of weeks, but to have this day come to reality, really hit home for both of us on Tuesday when we got in the car and motored our way down to the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center.

Herman and TLO; Circa 1998

We both have had previous experienced Adult Day Care, so we were coming from the knowledge of experience, yet that knowledge was just about to turn into our reality as we headed south on highway 95. “Herman wouldn’t go to Day Care; I finally asked him to at least go for a week, to test it out, to give it a try, to at least help me out” TLO said! “I guess that is exactly what we are doing today, too!” I responded! (It has to be that knowledge and experience thing!)

TLO and Michael Norfleet, Agency Director

As we arrived at the center, we were greeted warmly by the staff and the participants. It wasn’t too long before the agency’s director, Michael Norfleet came to meet us, we chatted for a bit and then before I knew it, they were both sitting in the lounge chairs, chatting up a storm. It was then that I knew that the day was on…and time for me to make my quick exit! It was also then when they day actually hit me square in the eye and I started to cry.

I have no doubt that the McArtor Center is the best place for both of us. Established in 2004, The McArtor Center focus is to meet the needs of the LGBT community in Broward County, Florida and the center is the first of its kind! In the LGBT community, many seniors in need of daytime or respite care have no option but to attend day care programs that are not open to, and understanding of the special relationships and needs of gay and lesbian seniors. The Noble A. McArtor Center was founded by an extraordinary team of individuals whose vision created a safe, open and home-like atmosphere for all seniors and their caregivers to enjoy, regardless, and supportive of any sexual orientation or identification, race, age, gender, religion or economic level.

Fr Orlando celebrates his 58th anniversary of his ordination at the Center 2005. Helen and Sonia remain good friends of mine today!

Yet, there is more to the history… More to the knowledge… More to our experience… And more to our story! Father Orlando’s was one of the first participants to attend the McArtor Center in 2004. Upon his arrival in Florida in July of 2004, we both agreed that we would need Day Care to help us manage our days. I was a very ‘green’ Caregiver at that time! I remember coming across the center in a newspaper article and was hooked on the first visit. Then I remember what Fr. Orlando said to me on our first day…”I’ll give it a try for a few days to see how I like it!” Whew, did that sound familiar!

He, well…we…never regretted one day of our stay at the center and in fact, the socialization and positive attention that Fr. Orlando received at the center, revived his life and his ministry, which aided him (and me) when he made his peaceful life transition in 2006. Now looking back almost 10 years, it is amazing to have come full cycle and return to the center. The staff is different, the participants are different, but there is one thing that is the same, unconditional love!

Of course, I don’t know what the future holds for us. Now two plus weeks past his radiation treatments, TLO is slowly starting the healing process. It is going to be an uphill struggle. My guess is that the healing process is only going to be aided by the unconditional love demonstrated to us by the staff at the Noble A. McArtor Adult Day Care Center because as Albert Einstein said: “the only source of knowledge is experience! “

You see…We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

Christopher MacLellan is a Certified Senior Advisor, the coordinator of senior services for SunServe Social Services and the host of ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio. ©ThePurpleJacket

DTC marketers can’t forget caregivers (worldofdtcmarketing.com)
Health and Human Services: ‘LGBT people have been denied the compassionate services they deserve. That is now changing’ (miamiherald.typepad.com)
‘Pride comes in all ages’: AARP launches website for LGBT seniors, www.aarp.org/pride (miamiherald.typepad.com)
Aging LGBT community often forced back into the closet (yakimaherald.com)
Documentary ‘Gen Silent’ raises question: Do LGBT seniors need to go back in the closet (miamiherald.typepad.com)

Progressive Holiday Blog Party with Caregiving.com

Welcome to the Progressive Holiday Blog Party 2013

Greetings! ‘The Purple Jacket’ pleased to join the 2013 Progressive Holiday Blog Party with the wonderful members of Caregiving.com. The Community at Caregiving.com is like having an extended family; I am proud to be a part of this wonderful group!

I graduated from radiation!

For those first time visitors to ‘The Purple Jacket’ welcome and Thank You for stopping by! I blog about my Caregiving experience for my partner, who I loving refer to as ‘The Little One.’ He was diagnosed with esophagus cancer in August of 2011. Given three to four months to live, he has outlived all predictions. Yet in October of 2013, Cancer has returned to ‘The Little One’ with a vengeance as he was diagnosed with Cancer on the spine. With three tumors on his spine; ‘The Little One’ just recently completed 30 radiation treatments. For the most part, he is pain-free at the moment, my that continue!

While each one of us deals with the reality of cancer in a different way, each one of us wants to look on the bright side of life. Yesterday is gone, today is here, not sure about tomorrow. It is our hope that lets us withstand problems; it is our beliefs that let us find solutions.

I have been blogging here and at Caregiving.com for almost two years now. The Caregivers I have met along the way have become a part of our family. While our Caregiving journey’s might be different, Caregivers have this innate ability to understand each other, to be there for each other, to care for each other.

Things that I am looking forward to in 2014:

My Blog Talk Radio Show, ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ has been on hiatus since October, but will be back on the air in January with a new title, ‘Healing Ties.’ You can visit my Blog Talk Radio page and listen to archived versions of the show by clicking here!

I will be (returning) to studying Theology at St. Joseph’s College in Standish, Maine with the intent to finish my Thesis, ‘The Social Sin of Geriatric Care in America.”

I hope we do another CareCruise in 2014!

To learn more about me, I invite you to visit my ‘about page’ on my website by clicking here.

We Might Have Cancer…But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

Related articles

Caregiving Challenges Of Blended Families Mid-Michigan (jerryreiflawyer.com)
Happy Thanks-Caregiving (thepurplejacket.com)
Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
Happy Thanks-Caregiving (caregiving.com)
Thursday’s are always ‘Hug A Caregiver Day!’ (thepurplejacket.com)
Caregiver Study – Seeking Participants (alzjourney.com)
Holiday Progressive Blog Party Guidelines (caregiving.com)
A Promise to Help Caregivers (aarp.org)

7 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Caregiver, Caregiving, Caregiving.com, Florida, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, The Bow-Tie-Guy

December 1, 2013 · 10:49 pm

It’s Never Too Late To Start Over

We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated!~Maya Angelou

I graduated from radiation treatments!

Our second bout of Cancer started to unfold when we were discharged from Imperial Point Medical Center in early October with the news that TLO’s cancer had entered his spine. It was a somber drive home that warm Saturday afternoon knowing that three tumors were lurking on his spine; the added ordeal of facing more radiation just exasperated the diagnosis. Those first few days home after the diagnosis was quite difficult… For both of us. I’m still not sure what was worse; the revelation of what was inside of him, or the anticipation of starting the rigorous treatments that were in front of us?

Caregivers know that through all the turmoil, we hope for a ray of light to shine through our Caregiving day, to take the edge off so to speak. Our ray of light happened this week as TLO completed his six weeks of radiation treatments. Those six weeks were like riding a roller coaster, or maybe one of those amusement rides that spin you upside-down. (I always hated the ones that went upside-down) It is hard to get a handle on your day when your day is in constant motion.

During these last six weeks, there has never been two days alike; Cancer kind of does that, we’ve learned! We wake up each day not knowing how the day will enfold; Cancer kind of does that, we’ve learned! We look back at these past six weeks and wonder, “how did we get through this mess;” Cancer kind of does that, we’ve learned! We really don’t know what lies ahead of us; Cancer kind of does that, We’ve learned! It’s never too late to start your day over; Cancer kind of does that, we’ve learned!

Completing radiation treatments is significant because it allows us to start over again. There are no more treatments, nothing else to do other than to let the healing process start! Sure, there will be a follow-up MRI and CT scan to see the results of the radiation. However, we have no control over what those results will entail. We can only control how we feel, and how we will deal with those results.

There is no doubt that this round radiation has taken its toll on TLO. For him, dealing with going to radiation on a daily basis is more difficult than dealing with the fact that he has cancer. I find that revelation difficult to understand, but so thought-provoking! It’s important to remember that we are wearing different shoes on this journey.

As we move into a different phase of our journey, we continue to hope for a gentle breeze at our back. We’ve done what we could do to combat the tumors, we’ve made the proper adjustments to our care team and we are thankful for the great staff at the South Florida Radiation Oncology in Coconut Creek and Emerald Elite Senior Home Health Care in Wilton Manors . I’m grateful to the Executive Director at SunServe, Mark Ketcham and my colleagues at work for their support and understanding. Our extended family at Caregiving.com, where would we be without you?

As a Caregiver, we often think that we can go at it alone, that we don’t need any help. While we have the ability to start our day over, it makes it easier to start our Caregiving day over when we have passengers to help guide us through the journey. I’m thankful for our Care Team!

You see…We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

cjmbtr (1)

Be A Healthy Caregiver’ is on hiatus until January 2014 while ‘TLO’ is undergoing radiation treatments. To listen to archived episodes of our show, simply click here!

Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
Cancer Treatment In Juneau Finds Missing Component (alaskapublic.org)
Hello and Please, Come In! (thepurplejacket.com)
Getting to know your radiation therapy team (delawarecancercare.com)
Sea salt and baking soda, best all natural remedy for curing radiation exposure and cancer (naturalcuresnotmedicine.com)
What to expect during radiation therapy (delawarecancercare.com)

5 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, Broward Health, Caregiver, Caregiving, LGBT Caregivers, LGBT Seniors, radiation treatments, The Bow-Tie-Guy

November 27, 2013 · 10:10 am

Happy Thanks-Caregiving

You must do things you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt

We are Thankful for those who are Caregivers today:

We are Thankful for those who will be Caregivers tomorrow:

We are especially Thankful for those Caregivers whose journey has past.

We share in our Caregiving Journey in a special way, knowing that while our Caregiving roads might be different, our paths are filled with comfort and joy from the support we receive from each other!

Thank You for being a part of our Caregiving Journey.

From our Caregiving Journey to yours…Happy Thanks-Caregiving

The Bow Tie Guys!

You see…We Might Have Cancer...But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ is on hiatus until January 2014 while ‘TLO’ is undergoing radiation treatments. To listen to archived episodes of our show, simply click here!

If You’re a Caregiver – Thank You | by Linda Brendle (longtermcarediary.wordpress.com)
Whose Journey Is It? (thepurplejacket.com)
Meet our October CAREGiver of the Month (hiscjeannette.wordpress.com)
Tuesday: Kiss a Caregiver Day (caregiving.com)
Who Are Family Caregivers? (prattremodeling.com)
You’ll Be Okay: Godspeed Caregivers Comfort Today’s Family Caregivers (caregiving.com)
Little Difference in Caregiving Responsibilities Between Working and Non-Working Family Caregivers (caregiving.com)
Tuesday: Kiss a Caregiver Day! (caregiving.com)
Frank Broyles, Family Write Book for Alzheimer’s Caregivers (fox16.com)

3 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Conditions and Diseases, Eleanor Roosevelt, Gay Seniors, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors

October 22, 2013 · 12:07 pm

What’s On Your Refrigerator?

The Giving Of Love Is An Education In Itself… Eleanor Roosevelt

I was thinking about that television commercial which constantly asks ‘What’s In Your Wallet’ and how catchy their marketing theme is. I instantly think of Capital One when I hear that phrase…’What’s In Your Wallet’. We keep most of our important identification and credit cards in our wallet; I think carrying important identification and credit cards in a wallet a common trait for everyone.

As we move into the second phase of palliative radiation treatments, and while engaging our new friends with Hospice Of Broward County, it occurred to me that we are going to have a number of ‘new friends’ visiting us in our home. It is going to be important for these new friends to have quick access to our important documents which include TLO’s current meds and medication history, doctor information, health care directives, DNR, Durable Power of Attorney. That is why I put (some of) these important documents on our refrigerator in our File For Life folder for easy access! We even spiced our file up with a little New Orléans!

While I am a big proponent of electronic media and databases, we also have to be mindful that sometimes networks and computers crash. When you need your most important documents at a moments notice, the last thing you need is a failed hard drive or jump drive to add to the stress. In my opinion, there is nothing that replaces the hard copy of your important documents.

The key to having a hard copy of these documents is to know where they are at a moments notice. When you are in the midst of an emergency, the last thing that you want to have to think about is..‘where are those documents! Additionally, you want emergency personnel to have quick access to these documents. In our File For Life, I have a spreadsheet of TLO’s current meds, Doctor’s / Hospice contact information, Diagnosis, DNR and my contact information. I also indicate in our File For Life, where the larger documents are located, I.e. Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy, Living Will.

So…’What’s On Your Refrigerator?’

You see…We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

Estate Planning, Part 3: Create an Estate-Planning Checklist (ally.com)
The Call For Hospice (thepurplejacket.com)
Eleanor Roosevelt Quote of the Week From Greg Bover (goodmorninggloucester.wordpress.com)

3 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocate, Caregiver, Caregiving, Hospice, LGBT Seniors, radiation

October 20, 2013 · 2:30 pm

The Call For Hospice

Love And Compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. Dalai Lama

As we move into the second phase of palliative radiation treatment for TLO, it was important for both of us to bring in our ‘friends’ from Hospice of Broward County to help us in this journey. The Hospice team arrived promptly at our home on Friday, thoroughly explained the process to both of us, it was peaceful as we signed on the dotted line.

I used the word ‘friends at Hospice’ because that is what they are, they’re our friends. We welcome friends into our home and we cherish the time that our friends come and visit with us. We look at these new friends and thank them for being a part of this journey with us.

We are also cognizant and want to recognize our ‘old’ friends too. Sometimes when the word Hospice is used, there is that utter silence or that blank stare …that sense of ‘what do I say next’ …know that we understand that for some, the hospice conversation might be difficult. That’s OK too! Because…

Sometimes

Just being there is all that is needed!

We don’t know what the road ahead looks like for us. Sure, there will be a few swift curves, some winding roads and a missed turn or two. Yet it will be all of our friends who will help celebrate this journey with us. We’re realistic, but encouraged: We’re scared, but courageous. We know we cannot do this alone. We’re thankful for all our friends and we are respectful of your comfort zone too. Your thoughts, prayers, phone calls, e-mails, words or encouragement are most appreciated. Because you have remember…

We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

HOSPICE – Dispelling The Myth (gskpulsevolunteers.com)
Compassion – Quotes (morethangold.me)
Life after Bobby: Hospice Care Week (georgeblogs.wordpress.com)
Pensioner shows his appreciation with donations to Macmillan & Lindsey Lodge Hospice (visitscunthorpe.com)
With help from hospice, Dad didn’t go gentle into that good night (denverpost.com)

10 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Caregiver, Health, Hospice, LGBT Seniors, Medicine, oncology, Palliative care

September 11, 2013 · 6:06 pm

Tumors Have No Boundaries

One of the insidious parts of (most) cancer is that it is often sight unseen. Sure, the naked eye can see the wear and tear that chemotherapy and radiation takes on the body, but those nasty tumors live rebelliously inside one’s body without a hint of what they might do next.

We are in the midst of experiencing the rebellious side of that nasty tumor that sits inside The Little One’s body. Not knowing what it is going to do next, the tumor has decided to show its ugly head at night when you least expect it. “I can’t lay on my side, it’s too painful” he said…”What do you think is causing the pain” I asked…”Heaven only knows” he said…”But I can’t sleep laying down, I am so worn out from all of this,” he said!

Amen to that!

While we are grateful for the good health that The Little One has had since his diagnoses and subsequent treatment in 2011, however it has occurred to me that this unwelcome visitor to his body has no boundaries! We are always talking about setting boundaries in our life, yet this tumor has a mind of its own. It is as rebellions as a teenager. It wake when it wants to and does what it pleases; what an unwelcome guest!

Resting peacefully this afternoon after a trip to the Primary Care Physician today, The Little One takes these bumps in the road with utter peace and calm. I cannot say that has been true for me today. He deals with the pain; I want to take it away. He is realistic; I am pessimistic. I want to help, but what can I do other than offer care and comfort? There is no bandage to apply, there is no fever to check, and there are no other signs of him needing help. That is one of the craziest parts in this process, and that is exactly what this is… a process!

Seeing is always believing?

Sure, the next new pill we will be trying this evening might put a fence around the tumor in hopes that it will limit its boundaries. However, I would prefer to goon it up with a crosscheck and a boarding penalty in order to enact some revenge on something that I cannot see. (Thank Goodness hockey season is upon us!) While with both know the reality of his cancer, we are both aware of the uncertainty with his cancer as well: what a paradox!

The most important thing that I learned today as we traveled together on another part of our Caregiving Journey is that I have to be there to be supportive, to share information, to advocate for the one I care for, and the one that I love. Caregiving was never meant to be easy, but we can make it easier on ourselves by talking about our fears, by being present to our needs, while being an advocate for the one we care. Thankful for the support at work, family and friends across the country and especially my extended family at Caregiving.com for checking in on us today!

Even though the insidious tumor may not want to set boundaries, we can stifle the tumor control over us by simply being realistic and present to each other. Easier said than done, yet possible because you see… We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

Chris MacLellan is a Caregiver to his partner Richard Schiffer; the Coordinator of Senior Services for SunServe Social Services in Wilton Manors, FL.; and the host of ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio.

Tuesday’s at 1:00pm (est) /Thursday’s at 8:00 pm (est)

Harvard Study Shows “Marijuana Cuts Lung Cancer Tumor Growth In Half” (realfarmacy.com)
New Laser Imaging Technique Highlights Brain Tumors Among Healthy Tissue (medgadget.com)
Ovarian Cancer – Listen… It Whispers (thebodyconnection.wordpress.com)

3 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Be A Healthy Caregiver, Caregiving.com, Conditions and Diseases, LGBT Seniors, The Bow-Tie-Guy

July 21, 2013 · 10:34 am

Capture Every Moment

In our Cancer Caregiving Journey, we know that on some days, the tumor has a mind of its own! For the most part, the good days have outweighed the bad days. We are thankful for that!

When ‘TLO’ (The Little One) feels good, we try to take advantage of every opportunity that is presented to us. Our Saturday night featured a trip to the Ice Cream Parlor. (We know how those little ones like Ice Cream!)

When we have these ‘Caregiving’ moments, I am reminded how lucky I have been to be a part of this journey. Yes, there are hard days for both of us, but all those hard days are thrown out the window when we capture moments like these and just be who we are. Reality is what it is, but that does not mean we can’t beat it!