Tag Archives: LGBT Seniors

November 14, 2012 · 7:25 pm

Remember…Blame the Disease, Not The Caree!

When I was a kid, one of my favorite roller coasters was the Zephyr at the old Pontchartrain Beach amusement park in New Orléans. Those steep curves and big drops were exhilarating, especially when the car made the turn to come back to the station ― when for a moment you thought that you were going to fly into Lake Pontchartrain only to feel the car make that big pull to the left at the last second and head back to home base. They do not make Roller Coasters like that anymore!

Being a caregiver at times is like riding a roller coaster: up the hill, down the hill, swaying through the curves that Caregiving brings to us on a daily basis. I know I must have ridden the Zephyr over a 100 times in my life, so I knew what to expect and could anticipate the bumps and curves as the car sped down the track.

Caregiving can change at a moment’s notice and… without any warning. When your anxiety heightens, that is precisely the time when you have to be calm in the presence of your caree. All of a sudden, those steep curves look ominous; those hills become daunting.

When your caree lashes out at you, take a step back and assess the situation; more times than not, it is the disease talking, not the caree.
Be attentive, not condescending.
Be proactive, not reactive.
As a caregiver, remember you are not the one who is sick.

‘The Little One’ taught me this lesson as he related stories of being a caregiver for his partner Herman who passed away in 1999 from Alzheimer’s. “As mad as I would get with Herman, I had to remind myself that it was the disease talking and not the man who I had known for 43 years.” Over the last 48 hours, I have been reminded of this story quite a number of times as we are currently in the mist of change with ‘The Little One’s’ health. We never know when the tumor is going to act up, but when it does, it takes its toll. We are hoping that ‘this roller coaster’ gets back on track and pulls into the station .

When riding the Zephyr I could anticipate the bumps and curves on the track, and I knew that I would always end up back at the station; however our health and well-being is not so predictable. So when those bad days surface, we both take comfort in knowing that it is the disease, not the person. Mindful that the person you love and care for, will always be inside your heart no matter what is inside their body.

You see…We Might Have Cancer…

But Cancer Does Not Have Us!

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiving, esophagus cancer, Lake Pontchartrain, LGBT Seniors, New Orleans, Pontchartrain Beach, Recreation, Roller coaster

November 13, 2012 · 9:12 pm

Be A Healthy Caregiver on Blog Talk Radio

Today on ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio, we had a great conversation with Nancy Allegrezza, RN, Director of Marketing with Telikin Computers. Telikin is the easy to use, all in one, touchscreen computer designed with seniors in mind. Some seniors have never become familiar with computer technology and may be intimidated by it. Telikin helps reduce those fears. To listen to our show, click here. (Please pardon the technological problems at the start of the show)

For information on how to purchase a Telikin Computer, please click the icon below.

Join us next Tuesday, November 20th at 1:00pm (est) for another session on ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ with our guest, Fr. Larry Richardt who is a retired Catholic Priest and Spiritual Director who also acts as a caregiver for his 95-year-old mother. Our conversation will focus on how developing a healthy spirituality can play an important role in being a Healthy Caregiver. Our November 20th show can be accessed by clicking here.

You see…We Might have Cancer, but Cancer Does Not have us!

The Telikin PC for the ‘The Little One’ (thepurplejacket.com)
Be A Healthy Caregiver On Blog Talk Radio Tuesday at 1:00 pm (thepurplejacket.com)
With Self-Care, You Keep (caregiving.com)

The Telikin PC for the ‘The Little One’

When we decided to start looking for a new computer for ‘The Little One’ it was my goal to find a product that was user-friendly and with little maintenance. I know you must think that I was dreaming! Yet I was delightfully surprised when I learned of a computer that was specifically designed for seniors; the Telikin computer.

Telikin is the easy to use, all in one, touchscreen computer designed with seniors in mind. Some seniors have never become familiar with computer technology and may be intimidated by computers and/or reluctant to use one. This results in a segment of the population being left out in an increasingly technological world.

We are not ‘high-tech‘ people, we are more ‘user friendly’ and that is exactly what Telikin offers to us. We have tried laptops, we have tried connecting the PC to the large screen TV; Tablet’s well, forget about that as ‘The Little One’ tells me “the screen is too small on those things”, he will have nothing of them! Because of its easy access to the programs that are important to ‘The Little One’, Telikin seems to be a perfect fit for his computer needs.

‘The Little One’ at the Telikin Computer

“The Little One’ at the Telikin Computer

‘The Little One’ at the Telikin Computer

Coming from the caregiver’s point of view, I am constantly searching for items that have a positive impact for ‘The Little One.’ I know that I have found it with the Telikin Computer when he said, “This is really easy to use, I can find my favorite programs just by touching the screen. I am a computer illiterate and this computer opens me up to the 21st century; I find it very easy to use.” For those who know ‘The Little One’, you know compliments from him are sometime hard to come by; I am astonished!

What has impressed me about the Telikin PC was the ease of the set up and how quickly I was able to connect the computer to my wireless network. The computer is user-friendly and easy to maneuver. When it comes to technology and computers, each one of us has different skill levels, what often frustrates people is when something that can appear to be easy, becomes hard. That is not the case with our Telikin Computer; as easy as it was to set up the computer, it was just as easy to get ‘The Little One’ up and running on the device. Of course, those wonderful video instructions were a big help too!

I will leave it to the ‘tech geeks’ to talk about the amount of memory and all ‘that behind the screen stuff ‘ that geeks like to talk about. (By the way, the amount of memory is more than sufficient!) As a caregiver, I want to surround myself with an excellent team to help in the Caregiving process. The computer provides a sense of independence for ‘The Little One’ and many other seniors like him. In essence, the computer is a part of our Caregiving team. As a Caregiver I feel like I am partnering with a company that is focused and understands the needs of seniors, not just another computer company. Telikin understands what we are going through as caregivers and has developed a product that far exceeded my expectation.

I invited you to visit the Telikin senior computer website for more information.

You see…We might have Cancer…but Cancer Does Not Have Us!

The Telikin Brings Computers to the Masses (geardiary.com)
Telikin Touch-PC targets the gray dollar (gizmag.com)
Telikin Partners with firstSTREET to Market the Industry’s Most User-Friendly Home Computer for Baby Boomers and Beyond (prweb.com)
CareConnect Brings Award-Winning Telikin Touch Screen Computers to Senior Living (prweb.com)
‘I Do Not Need Any Help…I Have A StepLadder!’ (thepurplejacket.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Personal computer, Philadelphia

November 8, 2012 · 2:02 pm

Caregiver Burnout: 9 Ways to Avoid It

In celebration of National Caregiver’s Month, I would like to welcome Hannah Munson as our guest blogger to ‘The Purple Jacket” today. Hannah is a recent Social Worker graduate who interned for two years as a caregiver in the Metro Detroit area provides us with some gentle reminders on how to avoid Caregiver Burnout.

While reading Hannah’s terrific post, I am reminded that in order to ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’, we have to take good care of ourselves, too! Thanks Hannah for your contribution today!

Caregiver Burnout: 9 Ways to Avoid It

Caregivers are the kind of people whose profession warrants them to take care of people who are no longer capable of doing it for their selves. However, we must not forget that caregivers are also human beings who also have their own bodies which also need to be taken care of. Every caregiver has to see to it that he or she is always in a good working condition. But, if there are times when he or she begins to experience burnout something must be done right away. The following are some of the ways to avoid burnout:

1. Do not keep everything to yourself.

If you feel like you need someone else who understands your predicament as a caregiver, might as well join a support group. These groups will enable you to express your anxiety, predicament and other problems without the fear of being unfairly judged.

2. Take some time off.

Caregivers must be proactive in telling their superiors that they badly need some time off for themselves. They should not wait for their supervisors to notice their being stressed out before they request for a time-off.

3. Eat nutritious foods.

This would mean that you should not just eat anything that you want. See to it that you are eating foods that will help you become healthy enough to take care of your patients or somebody else.

4. Have enough sleep.

Even if your occupation requires you to work on a graveyard shift, this should not be reason enough for you to deprive yourself of enough sleep. Always find time to have enough sleep to recharge your senses and your entire body.

5. Exercise regularly.

Exercise is one of the most effective ways to prevent burn out. When you take the time to exercise on a regular basis you will always have the chance to unwind. Get focused on your exercise and you will be relieved from stress and anxiety.

6. Find time for your favorite hobby.

Burn out is usually caused by too much exposure to highly stressful situations. One way to relax is to have time for your favorite hobby. Read if you must or indulge in your favorite sports.

7. Be informed.

Sometimes, caregivers experience stress, anxiety or that burn out feeling when they need to take care of a patient who has serious medical condition. Read and search the internet for more information regarding your patient’s condition. This way, you will become better equipped with knowledge on how to deal with your patient.

8. Express yourself.

Some caregivers would prefer to keep their sentiments to themselves because they are too shy to share it with others. Call a trusted friend with whom you can express your feelings. Letting out your emotions will prove to be one great way to relieve yourself.

9. Take time to meditate.

You do not have to go to the gym or to a Yoga class in order to have time to meditate. Just look for a quiet room in your house where you can sit comfortably and concentrate. Meditation allows you to relax and become more focused on your goals and not on the negative things that are happening in your life.

This was a post written by Hannah M. She runs the website ‘How Much Is It’. You can access her website by clicking here. “How Much Is It” a large resource that helps you find the cost on just about anything. Please, Check it out!

If you are interested in being a guest blogger on ‘The Purple Jacket” please send me an email by clicking here

‘We Might Have Cancer…

But Cancer Does Not Have Us!’

Respite care offers an antidote to caregiver burnout (bangordailynews.com)
Caregiver Burnout: Managing the Challenges of Caregiving (prweb.com)
Best Caregiver Blog Awards | Assisted Living Today (assistedlivingtoday.com)
Be A Healthy Caregiver On Blog Talk Radio Tuesday at 1:00 pm (thepurplejacket.com)
Caregiving in the Future: YOUR Future (prweb.com)
Watch Out For Caregiver Burnout (kcet.org)
Workplace forum focuses on caregiver burnout (charlotteobserver.com)

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Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocacy, advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Elderly care, Health, LGBT Seniors, Patient, Senior Health

Image

Catching the surf

2 Comments

October 27, 2012 · 2:19 pm

September 29, 2012 · 4:42 pm

‘I Do Not Need Any Help…I Have A StepLadder!’

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. Buddha

As Caregivers, more often than not, we pay better attention to the health and well-being of our caree rather than to ourselves; It just goes with the territory. Just the other day, I found ‘The Little One’ pulling out the stepladder to use to reach the upper cabinets (after all he is 5’5”) in our kitchen. Being the over protective caregiver that I am, I immediately balked at his use of the ladder. “What are you doing,” I said! “What does it look like I am doing, putting away the groceries.” He responded. “Not with that ladder you’re not.” The conversation deteriorated from there…

Safety is a big concern for all of us. One harmless fall can put an entire series of health concerns into play. Yet there is a delicate balance between independence and common sense.

Dr. Starcevic with ‘The Little One’

On Friday, ‘The Little One’ had his quarterly check up with his primary care physician, Dr. Starcevic. Dr. Starcevic continues to be amazed at ‘The Little One’s’ progress and stated…”We should review the pathology report because this is truly amazing!” I was gratified when she spoke about how important I was in the progress that he has made over the past year. Of course, he agreed with her 100%. This conversation really helped boost my ego and confidence.

‘The Little One’ highly respects Dr. Starcevic, and I do too. When ‘The Little One’ was in the middle of his chemo and radiation treatments last year, she was the one who determined that he needed to be in the hospital. Not only did she have him admitted, she put him in a wheel chair and took him to the hospital herself! We will never forget that act of kindness on her part.

The Famous Stepladder

During the conversation with Dr. Starcevic, ‘The Little One’ mentioned that he is “extra careful when he walks because he does not want to fall down and break a hip.” As I listened attentively to his words, I could not resist jumping in. “Why don’t you tell Dr. Starcevic how you like to get on stepladders, “ I said! They both turned to me (with different expressions on their face of course) at the same time: then the real conversation ensued about ‘The Little One’s’ safety. The conversation was lively and to the point; it is harder for ‘The Little One’ to dispute Dr. Starcevic than it is me!

Every caregiver wants to ensure that their caree is 100% safe. While I know I cannot be at home 24/7, I also know that I cannot control what ‘The Little One’ does when I am not home. (Like I can really control him when I am at home!) I can hear ‘The Little One’ saying, ‘I can put those cans on that top shelf, I’ve been doing it this way my entire life;’ I get that response and respect it too.

Even as we age, each one of us has that indestructible opinion of ourselves. We do not want to lose our independence, but we also do not want to lose our independence through a fall that is preventable. Sometimes we just need a different messenger, and sometimes we have to realize that our message needs to be tapered. In this case, we learned the meaning of both. Thank goodness for the wonderful work of Dr. Starcevic!

You see…We might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!

What A Difference A Year Makes (thepurplejacket.com)
The ‘Price’ of CareGiving (thepurplejacket.com)
Ladder Safety (Ol’ Farts Beware) (swittersb.wordpress.com)

5 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as advocate, Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiving, Gay Seniors, Health, LGBT Caregivers, LGBT Seniors, Safety

August 26, 2012 · 1:28 pm

The ‘Price’ of CareGiving

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa

As Caregivers we are often put in a position where we have to choose between what’s good for our self and what is good for the person for whom we are caring. If you are a caregiver like me (and I bet you are), you are always putting the needs of your caree first. Placing someones else’s needs in front of your own can be difficult for some people to understand; but not for the caregiver! In our me first society, and in many business circles, decisions like this are frowned on and often not understood.

To be a healthy caregiver, we have to learn how to live life in the solutions of our Caregiving experience; not solely in the problems of our Caregiving experience. By living a life focused on solutions, we live our life with clarity, hope and love. Focusing solely on problems, we live in fear, worry and despair. Focusing on solutions is not only a healthy mindset for caregivers, it is a healthy mindset for everyone.

I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. After almost 10 years of Caregiving, I started to focus more on the problem, not the solutions. By focusing only on the problems, I lost myself and just created more problems in return. Losing yourself complicates Caregiving. While the love for your caree is strong and sealed, you have to love yourself first in order to solidify your inner peace and purpose. Your life can’t be that of your caree!

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

The price of Caregiving is not fixed, it is different for everyone. But if you don’t recognize the personal cost in Caregiving, you can lose yourself in the process, and that cost is priceless. What are the signs of losing yourself: weight gain, loss of focus/clarity, financial stress, spiritual uncertainty, your own purpose, professional satisfaction, detachment just to name a few.

For people who care, this is a conundrum. We are always asking ourselves…”Did I do enough; could I have done something different.”

Yet what we might ask ourselves is…

Are we always looking at the problem, and not the solution?

While I do not intend to lose focus on the care of ‘The Little One’, I am starting to refocus on caring for myself. This has been a revelation of sorts because ‘The Little One’ has been asking me (telling, demanding, requesting, you get the picture) to take better care of myself. Yet immersed in this care and unwilling to listen, reality has come full force. How can I be a good caregiver, if I can’t take better care of myself?

Photo Credit: The Purple Jacket

It’s simple:

Eat Less… Move More

Focus on Solutions…Not Problems

Never quit caring… Especially for yourself

You see…We might have Cancer…

but Cancer does not have us!

Can You Be a Healthy Caregiver? (thepurplejacket.com)
Tell Us: What’s the Worst Caregiving Advice You’ve Received? (caregiving.com)
Why I Support AB 2039 (caregiving.com)
6 Ways to Make Caregiving & Dating Go Together (aarp.org)
NBC Highlights Caregiving Campaign – And My Family! (aarp.org)
New ad campaign portrays caregivers’ call for help (babyboomersandmore.com)

7 Comments

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as Bow Tie Guy, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Caregiving, Health, LGBT, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, Mother Teresa, Senior Health

August 20, 2012 · 3:09 pm

Can You Be a Healthy Caregiver?

YES YOU CAN be a healthy caregiver!

Join our TWITTER #carefit chat tonight at 8 pm ET with

Denise Brown @caregiving

and

Chris MacLellan @thebowtieguy

**Find us on Twitter TONIGHT August 20th 8:00 PM #carefit**

We’ll discuss how to stay healthy as you care.

HOW TO GET FROM

THERE

HERE

TO

and maintain a healthy lifestyle while you care !

Why I Support AB 2039 (caregiving.com)
NBC to Highlight Caregiving – And My Family! (aarp.org)
NBC Highlights Caregiving Campaign – And My Family! (aarp.org)

1 Comment

Filed under Caregiving, The Purple Jacket

Tagged as AARP, advocacy, advocate, Caregiver, Caregiver Support, Health, Home care, LGBT Caregiving, LGBT Seniors, NBC, NBC Nightly News, The Bow-Tie-Guy

August 14, 2012 · 3:49 pm

LGBT Aging through the lens of Gen Silent

It’s never too late to give up our prejudices. – Henry David Thoreau

You might remember an earlier blog post where I talked about a question that was posed to me by a good (straight) friend of mine, his question was simple: ‘What’s different about LGBT Caregiving‘. In that blog post, I wrote “ A very profound question that is easy to answer, yet difficult to explain. “Caregiving in and of itself is the same for every couple, you simply care for the one you love. The difference for the LGBT caregiver is when we have to interact with systems outside of our home that are out of our control.”

As an LGBT caregiver and advocate, my response to that important question pales in comparisons to the magnificent and gut wrenching documentary, “Gen Silent”. The real life stories of love, commitment, discernment, hope, happiness and despair told through the lens of “Gen Silent” are gut wrenching, yet important for all audiences in order to understand the plight of LGBT seniors in America. Producer/Director Stu Maddux does a splendid job in piecing together these LGBT pioneers who helped paved the way for what we know today as Gay Pride.

We should all be indebted to them.

Throughout their life, LGBT seniors have experienced discrimination solely for being ‘different’. LGBT Seniors are one of the most underserved communities in our nation. Today’s LGBT seniors grew up in a time where they were told that homosexuality was not only a mental illness, but also a crime!

Systems can be unfair, yet pioneers like those in this marvelous film are the ones who help foster change. Out of the shadows and into our hearts, this documentary provides viewers with critical examples of why NO senior should be left behind. This issue is not a local issue, it is a universal issue. Somewhere along the line in our discussion about critical issues that face our society, we have lost the ability to look and talk about these issues empathically.

No matter what side of the fence you are on in regards to gay marriage; Equality in not a privilege, it is a basic human right. Through the lens of “Gen Silent” you will see the true meaning of love and why equality and equal rights are so important in our society today because everyone deserves a perfect sunset to their life.

Kudo’s to Stu Maddux and the staff at the LGBT Aging Project for a job well done. Thank You to Ellen Wender of Creative Arts Enterprises and Treece Financial Group for taking the initiative to bring this documentary to South Florida. Thank You to Diane Lade of the Sun-Sentinel for writing such a superb article on “Gen Silent” how nursing homes can push gay seniors back into the closet.

For information on how you can bring “Gen Silent” to your community, click here to visit the films website and ‘like’ them on Facebook, too!

To learn how your agency can develop LGBT-sensitive policies, train staff, create welcoming environments, and receive CEU’s visit SunServe Social Services.

“We might have cancer…but cancer does not have us!”