Honor your past; but don’t live in it!
Photo Credit: Free Digital Photos.com
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Photo credit: Wikipedia
Today we picked up “The Little One’s” new shoes today Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics. Unfortunately, the first choice of shoes ‘The Little One’ selected, somehow was not available in a therapeutic model! These Stilettos would make Bette Midler proud as she would be singing…”In These Shoes” once she laid eyes on these shoes!
Photo credit: ‘The Purple Jacket’
As we arrived in the office of Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics we were greeted by Shelley who assisted us last week with the fitting. Shelley is great to work with, she pulls no punches, knows what she is talking about and has a care for all her clients. It was a pleasure to work with her.
Within moments of sitting in the waiting room, the new shoes arrived and the Imelda Marcos of South Florida was back in his element. Mindful of what Shelley mentioned last week that “these shoes” would feel a little ‘loose’ at first, ‘The Little One’ was quick to comment about just that! “When I get a blister on the back of my foot from ‘These Shoes’ being loose, I will be back next week to show you!” Of course, my laughing at this statement was is not the polite thing to do!
Shelley handled the comment with grace; by the time we were ready to leave, the Imelda Marcos of South Florida had already had is eye out on another pair of shoes. Should I have really have been surprised?
The good folks at Hanger really treated us well today. There was a complete mix up with the co-pay, they admitted their error and allowed us to send in payment as we were under the impression that there was no funds due upon pick up of ‘These Shoes.’ Customer Service goes a long way in leaving a lasting impression on consumers. I knew from my previous experience with Hanger that they were a model company whose mission is to help people lead a better life. They proved it again today! It goes without saying that when you are in the people business, you need to be about the people! Hanger proved that again today. And with that, had one happy customer leaving their office today!
‘The Purple Jacket’
You see…we might have cancer, but cancer does not have us!
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I am pleased to share with you my article that was published today with the American Society on Aging. There are five wonderful articles, along with an introduction from Holly Deni who helped collaborate this project; Finding Pride in Caring: LGBT caregivers answer the call from the community This link will take you to Holly’s introduction where you can see all the wonderful articles written by LGBT care givers. It is an honor to be associated with these fine people! ENJOY
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One of the many things that I have missed while being away from Fort Lauderdale for the past four years has been congregation at The Sunshine Cathedral . While attending worship services this past Sunday, the senior Pastor Reverend Durrell Watkins, preached on a topic that really hit home for me: his sermon was entitled, “Never Alone”.
“What I know is that prayer connects us to all the prayers of eternity and to all the people who have ever prayed and so the very act of prayer is a reminder that we are not alone, and if we are not facing the challenges of life alone, then hope, peace, and joy are always possible and that’s pretty miraculous.” Reverend Durrell Watkins Sunday April 22, 2012.
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Never one to be a horticulturist, I am always intrigued by the variety of beautiful trees we have in this diverse country of ours. Now that we are back in Florida, I am reminded about the beautiful foliage that Florida has to offer, especially the Palm Trees. You really don’t get to see many Palm trees in St. Louis.
In Missouri, just like here in Florida, there is an abundance of pine trees. In fact, we have a pine tree in our yard where I am constantly picking up the pine cones that fall from the branches.
While picking one of the zillion or so pine cone, I noticed something at the base of the tree that caught my attention…
Intrigued by the green plastic sprouting out of the ground, I asked ‘The Little One’ to explain this phenomenon. ( I did not know we could grow plastic in the ground and first thought that we might have come across the next great invention and I wanted to be sure we got the Patton on this discovery!)
“Herman planted that tree in 1976, that is the plastic bucket that the tree came in that is coming out of the ground. Every time I see that tree, I think of Herman!”
WOW…talk about some powerful symbolism! While Herman has been gone now for over 13 years, Herman’s tree grows tall and strong as a reminder to ‘The Little One” of a long and beautiful relationship.
Richard (a.k.a. ‘The Little One”) and Herman were together for 44 years and moved to Florida in 1976 before it was in vogue to move south. Like us, there was an age difference between Herman and Richard. And like us, Richard became Herman’s care giver: funny how roles change in life when we age?
When Richard cared for Herman, many of their friends came to help them with their daily task. Herman often asked Richard…’What would I do without you?”
While caring for your love one or partner should be assumed, that is not always the case; especially for LGBT seniors. According to SAGE USA LGBT Seniors are:
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As we continue with our transition back to Florida, it is hard to believe that we have already been here a month. Yet, after one month, it is easy to see the positive affects that this transitions has had on ‘The Little One.” It really comes down to one simple aspect of life…INDEPENDENCE.
One of the main issues that usually surfaces in a care giving role is that of independence versus dependence. We all strive to keep our independence; it’s that physiological edge that makes us want to cry out for more. Illness in general and cancer in particular, often lead to dependence. Dependence can heighten the illness in which you are fighting to over come; dependence can in turn lead to depression, which all to often creeps into our physical and mental being.
While we miss our family and friends in St. Louis, ‘The Little One’ has gained quite a bit of his independence back since returning to Florida full-time. There is a second car to drive, there are long-standing friends and family in the area, there is a house that he shared with his partner Herman for over 30 years, trips to the grocery store and an ocean right down the road; the list goes on and on. 
All to often we tend to forget that it is the simple things in life that mean the most. When you are a caregiver, often times you have to give up things you love in order to care for the one you love. It’s not a hardship, it’s not a problem, it is just something you do when you know it is right.
As I sit back and watch the remarkable improvement in his health, we know that life changes on a moments notice. We live in the moment, hoping that our decisions help facilitate good health and prosperity for everyone! So far, we seem to be on the right track. When I see ‘The Little One’ pulling out of the garage and off in his little buggy, I think…’how remarkable this truly is given the fact that six months ago he was not even driving a car, a prisoner to our home, dependent in the majority of things that he wanted to do.
Thursday we motor to the Oncologist for our next update; so far all the Doc’s have been pleased. There is weight gain, there is added strength, there is a mark difference in personality…a personality of independence.
You see, we might have Cancer…But Cancer does not have us!
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Humor can take the edge off a number of situations, especially when dealing with serious health or care-giving issues. For those who have followed our blog, you’ll know that we often use humor to get through many difficult days. Reality is what it is; hard do change, sometimes equally hard to deal with.
Moving can be stressful too, yet in a different way. Sooner or later, the last box will be unpacked, the last picture will find itself on the wall, everything will find its place! Even a miss-placed Lamp Shade.
Upon the arrival of the furniture and the mounds of mess and stress that followed, I was left to ponder about caregivers who are often under stress and burdened by their task at hand. You see, sometimes in the heat of care-giving, we can lose sight of the fact that the one who is being cared for is… ill.
When your ‘patient’ says something out-of-turn, don’t blame the ‘patient’… blame the disease. When your ‘patient’ does not feel like eating, don’t blame the ‘patient’…blame the disease. When ‘the patient’ is just not feeling up to doing something, don’t blame the ‘patient’…blame the disease. Caring is a daunting task and the caregiver often loses themselves in the process, and you know, that’s OK because it’s not ‘the patient’s’ fault…it’s the disease.
Just as Lamp Shades protect the bright lights of the bulbs of which they cover, care-givers do the same as they protect and ‘shade’ those for who they care for. When the light burns out, we don’t blame the shade, we blame the bulb. When illness plays havoc with our loved one, we don’t blame the patient, we blame the disease.
When we are focused on the task at hand, mindful that it’s the disease, not the patient…every ‘lamp shade’ finds its proper place, with love, tenderness and commitment.
We are blessed by the good health reports we are receiving in Florida and look to continue to bring great ‘shade’ to those around us!
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Cancer came upon us in one full swoop. Often times, we get into situations that are beyond our control…’things’ just happen, like Cancer. Care-givers are often thrown into their roles on a moments notice. Cancer or other debilitating illnesses do not arrive by invitation, they just show up at your door unannounced. When you think about it, no one wants their loved one to be ill, no one wants to see their parent, spouse, child or best friend ill. Unfortunately, illness is a part of life that we all have to deal with. At a moments notice you become a care-giver, without any warning, without any preparation, without any idea of what you are supposed to do next. All of a sudden you are responsible for someones well-being because of their illness. Care-giving is a tremendous, rewarding and sometimes a frustrating experience, yet care-giving has meaning to it that is beyond approach.
While I do not often revert to my theological training, I am reminded of the Corporal Works of Mercy which are, simply stated, the seven practices of charity towards our neighbor…
1. Feed the hungry: 2. Give drink to the thirsty: 3. Clothe the naked: 4. Shelter the homeless: 5. Visit the sick: 6.Visit those in prison: 7. Bury the dead.
I see the Corporal Works of Mercy as a job descriptions for caregivers. There is an art in accomplishing these task and and in accomplishing these tasks, one has to have a caring heart. Care-giving is not a role for the faint of heart, it is not a role suited for everyone. Just as we all have different talents, skills and life avocations, being a care-giver is no different. The tryouts are usually on the fly and without much preparation, however care-giving is bound to have a profound effect on all involved in the experience.
One of the most important components of being a care-giver is that you have a caring heart. Sound kind of silly doesn’t it? But it is true! How many other ‘jobs’ monitor the feelings inside your heart? Being a care-giver is not a ‘job’ to those who do it, it’s an avocation. If you are not truly concerned about the person you are caring for, then it might be a good idea for you to take a close look at what you are doing for that person. There is a high rate of burn out in care-giving; care-giving is an intense experience where you often surrender your self for the needs of someone else. Finding that happy balance is truly a slippery slope. The art of care-giving always starts with a feeling from inside heart.
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Tonight at dinner we were chatting about our blog as I have been asked to write an article for a national publication on Care-Givers and Care-Giving in April (more to come on that exciting news). The Little One wanted me to share these words with you this evening…
“Thank you for reading ‘The Purple Jacket” I hope that in reading Chris’ account of my fight with esophagus cancer that you don’t give up hope, share in the joy and comfort that you can reap from this wonderful thing, a dedicated caregiver. My siblings have pass on; not only is he my caregiver, he is my partner I would be all alone with out his dedication and love. Even though cancer has struck me, for the second time, I find joy and compassion being with my partner and caregiver. Go through life with a strong will, even at those darkest times, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Bernard Richard Schiffer 2.5.2012. 
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While ‘The Little One’ continues to show marked improvement while recovering from the trauma of chemotherapy and radiation, we move on to another calamity called sciatica. Anyone who has had back pain knows how debilitating it can be, yet to alleviate the pain we must be open to new modes of treatment.
On Wednesday we motored to InMotion Health and Wellness for a visit with Dr. Greg Neff to see if Chiropractic help was in order for his current ailment. The ‘Extreme Patient’ as we see in this photo opportunity for his building fan club, 
(yes KJ, the only thing missing is the Tiara!) decided to ride the wave and try out this new treatment. Of course there was the debate…”This is not going to work”…’Why are we wasting our time”… etc, etc, etc. While I try not to roll my eyes (at least noticeably to others), we just continue on with our friendly banter because that is the way we communicate.
Communication is a funny thing; just like relationships. It’s funny how the two go hand in hand. Relationships are built on strong communication and trust. Yet in communicating his apprehension to Chiropractic care, I knew that this was simply a way for him to let off some frustration. Sometimes, you just have to let go!
As caregivers, we have to be mindful that while we are there in a supporting role, it’s not our body that is going through the treatments. How much can the mind and body take in such a short period of time? I think that really depends on the person and their ability to communicate their wants, needs and desires. And in the supporting role, the caregiver has to be mindful that what you might want for your loved one, may not be what they want; what a slippery slope!
It is through honest communication, built on trust and love that truly reveals the essence of a relationship. We’re glad that we have (and share) this trust and love as we continue on this journey to better health and happiness.
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Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize in 2015, Our Caregiving Story "In Sickness and In Health: A Couple's Final Journey" written by Diane Lade and photgraphed by Carline Jean from The South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Click on the photo to be taken to the original story. Photo Credit Carline Jean/Sun-Sentinel
Story 2: "Life After Death: Couple's Story Sparks Change." Click on the photo to be taken to the second story. Photo Credit Carline Jean Sun-Sentinel
Story #3 "Saying Goodbye" Click on the photo to be taken to our final story. Photo Credit Carline Jean/Sun-Sentinel
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The Purple Jacket 