One of the insidious parts of (most) cancer is that it is often sight unseen. Sure, the naked eye can see the wear and tear that chemotherapy and
radiation takes on the body, but those nasty tumors live rebelliously inside one’s body without a hint of what they might do next.
We are in the midst of experiencing the rebellious side of that nasty tumor that sits inside The Little One’s body. Not knowing what it is going to do next, the tumor has decided to show
its ugly head at night when you least expect it. “I can’t lay on my side, it’s too painful” he said…”What do you think is causing the pain” I asked…”Heaven only knows” he said…”But I can’t sleep laying down, I am so worn out from all of this,” he said!
Amen to that!
While we are grateful for the good health that The Little One has had since his diagnoses and subsequent treatment in 2011, however it has occurred to me that this unwelcome visitor to his body has no boundaries! We are always talking about setting boundaries in our life, yet this tumor has a mind of its own. It is as rebellions as a teenager. It wake when it wants to and does what it pleases; what an unwelcome guest!
Resting peacefully this afternoon after a trip to the Primary Care Physician today, The Little One takes these bumps in the road with utter peace and calm. I cannot 
say that has been true for me today. He deals with the pain; I want to take it away. He is realistic; I am pessimistic. I want to help, but what can I do other than offer care and comfort? There is no bandage to apply, there is no fever to check, and there are no other signs of him needing help. That is one of the craziest parts in this process, and that is exactly what this is… a process!
Seeing is always believing?
Sure, the next new pill we will be trying this evening might put a fence around the tumor in hopes that it will limit its boundaries. However, I would prefer
to goon it up with a crosscheck and a boarding penalty in order to enact some revenge on something that I cannot see. (Thank Goodness hockey season is upon us!) While with both know the reality of his cancer, we are both aware of the uncertainty with his cancer as well: what a paradox!
The most important thing that I learned today as we traveled together on another part of our Caregiving Journey is that I have to be there to be supportive, to share information, to advocate for the one I care for, and the one that I love. Caregiving was never meant to be easy, but we can make it easier on ourselves by talking about our fears, by being present to our needs, while being an advocate for the one we care. Thankful for the support at work, family and friends across the country and especially my extended family at Caregiving.com for checking in on us today!
Even though the insidious tumor may not want to set boundaries, we can stifle the tumor control over us by simply being realistic and present to each other. Easier said than done, yet possible because you see… We Might Have Cancer, But Cancer Does Not Have Us!
Chris MacLellan is a Caregiver to his partner Richard Schiffer; the Coordinator of Senior Services for SunServe Social Services in Wilton Manors, FL.; and the host of ‘Be A Healthy Caregiver’ on Blog Talk Radio.
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